Sheriff quotes from Robin Hood

You pathetic, misery-addled mess. You are teetering on the edge of dispensibility, Gisborne. Make sure you don't fall off.

Gisborne

[bitterly] You know, I've finally come to the conclusion that I don't like you.

[sarcastic] Awww! What's the matter, hm? Was that nasty Robin Hood horrible to our little Guy? Oh, diddums...

[grinning] That's better, Gisborne! You'd better show some spine; you're gonna need it! Hm? Hood gave you life; now you go out and get his right!

Gisborne

[contemptuous] Look at you; your plans are in ruins, the Black Knights are disbanded, and you're having to buy the affections of a Prince who would rather see you dead. Why should I fear you? [walks away]

[furious] Because... [he throws his dagger at Gisborne; it lands in the wood of the door an inch from Gisborne's head] I AM THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM!!!

Gisborne

You should have killed me when you had the chance. I'm gonna make you suffer before you die.

Robin

Just like you're suffering now, Gisborne? You can kill me a hundred times over, but the pain you're feeling, the hatred, the self-loathing, that's never going to go away! [Gisborne hits him out of rage] You'll never hate me as much as you hate yourself!

Oh, put it away.

Ah, Prince John's escort. They want their money, Gisborne.

Gisborne

So what do we do?

"We"? [chuckles] Do you think that I'm going to be responsible for your arrogance and your incompetence again? [pulls out Gisborne's sword and points it at him] Hm?

Gisborne

You can't be serious, put it down!

[sternly] No, Gisborne. This time, you pay my dues. [to Prince John's men] Gentlemen, good to see you! Very smart, lovely colours, tight-fitting uniform, excellent! Slight change of plan. There is no patronage money... [shoves Gisborne towards them]

Gisborne

What?!

...but Gisborne has volunteered to go with you, to explain why not to Prince John personally!

Gisborne

No, my lord! Please! This means certain death!

[chuckles] Well, you never know - you might catch Prince John in a good mood! [to the guards] He's all yours!

Gisborne

[being dragged away] I won't forget this! I'll be back for you!

Abbot! Where in hell have you been?

Rome! How dare you summon me to your quarters like a common serf!

My lord, I need you.

And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?

No. It's too late for absolution. They meet on the landing halfway. [grovelling] You are the only one who can help me now.

If you are truly willing to repent for all your sins...

[nodding eagerly] I am!

... then you must make your peace with God, my son, and pray for His forgiveness.

Ah, well, you see, it's not God I'm worried about. It's Prince John.

[smiles] Then you really are in trouble!

He already has Gisborne, and it's anyone's guess what he's doing with him.

Well, knowing the Prince as I do, my advice is this: please him.

[incredulous] ... "Please him"?! Whaddaya think I've been doing all this time?! WEAVING TAPESTRIES?!?! Look, I have to execute Hood within one month, otherwise I am horse-meat!

[annoyed] Well, I really don't see what you expect me do to about Robin Hood. Now, I've had a very long journey; I need to return to my abbey. So, if there's nothing else, I will bid you goodnight-- [starts to leave]

Not so fast, Abbot! You will assist me.

[chuckles] Why on earth would I do that?

[imitates his chuckle] Because... [moves to the table] I know... [pulls away a red cloth to reveal a large book - a forbidden English translation of the Bible] your little SECRET!

[shocked] How—?! where did you get that?!

Oh, when I was looking for you at the abbey, I decided to do a bit of nosing around.

So you think you can blackmail me?!

[nods matter-of-factly] Amazing, hm? How great men, no matter how revered, always have some explosive little nugget hidden away, ready for someone like me to find, hm? And as little nuggets go, [points to the book] this is as explosive as it gets. [tuts] Abbot, even I was shocked. [starts to open the book]

[rushes over angrily] Now you listen to me--!

[slams book closed] YOU LISTEN TO ME!!! You will use all your power and your influence, you will use the full might of the Church to help me finish off Robin Hood once and for all, otherwise it will be your head on the chopping block as well as mine! GOT IT?!?!

So, Prince John sent you back to Nottingham with a mission, and yet nobody saw fit to tell me. The last time I checked, I was still the Sheriff.

Gisborne

The Prince is still waiting for his thousand crowns. His patience wears thin.

As indeed does mine. What's the mission?

Gisborne

He wants me to kill Robin Hood.

[chuckles] I'm sure he does! But you've, err... you've never managed it before, Gisborne, hm? Although you did once have him at your sword point, and yet still he bested you!

Gisborne

Well, this time it will be different. This time I will command the mission without incompetent, illconceived interference from others.

[smugly] No. You will fail, like you've always failed before, and then you will come back and beg me for my patronage!

WHAT?!

He's exaggerating! That's what he does, you know how he goes on--

No, I'm telling the truth to save your life, just like I said I would!

[to Bertha] I warned you what would happen the next time you crossed me! [to his guards, pointing at Little John] KILL HIM!!! ARREST THE OTHERS!!!

If I didn't do what the Sheriff told me, he was going to kill us all!

What an excellent idea! [his guards arrest Bertha] So exactly how far did you think you'd get, Bertha? We had a deal.

The deal is off. You do not touch those children.

No, no, I just want the money from the wagers. She's welcome to the slaving money.

What?!

Oh, I suppose she told you that she took the children off the streets out of the goodness of her heart? [chuckles]

Look at them. They're healthy and well-fed--

Healthier children fetch a bigger price! She's been doing it for years - taking waifs and strays off the streets, fattening them up and then selling them on at the end of the season.

Have you?

Yes. Not this year, though. [chuckles] Take her to the dungeons. [points to the boys] Oh, and, err, arrest those.

[ready to fight] LEAVE... THEM... BE!

[walking away, bored] Somebody kill that man.

Robin

It isn't safe for children in Nottingham!

So says the outlaw! But for once, I am pleased to see you, Hood. It means that Gisborne has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory once again!

Well might you hang your head in shame, Gisborne. You've let him escape again, [points at Isabella] and this, this... Is THIS what distracted you?!

Gisborne

This is my sister.

[sarcastic] Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. You were busy playing happy families! Your level of incompetence never, ever ceases to amaze me, Gisborne. Every time I think you've plumbed a new depth, along you come and surprise me all over again! Well maybe now, Prince John will remember why he put ME IN COMMAND!!!

Do you love me, Sheriff?

With all my heart, Sire.

Would you give your life for me?

My life? Is that all? Of course.

Would you take a life for me?

Even easier to answer.

Gisborne has so disappointed me...

Disappointed us both, Sire.

Obedience. Loyalty. Love. Is it too much to ask? A king requires all three. Who's more loyal to me, Sheriff? You or Gisborne?

Sheriff of Nottingham

Of course I am, Sire. My loyalty is infinite.

Good. Then prove it to me. Rid me of Gisborne, Sheriff. Quickly, discreetly. We don't want to disturb our noble guests with this messy business. Kill him for me, Sheriff.

Sheriff of Nottingham

A privilege, Sire.