[Talking about a fireman who retired and them came out of the closet, and also claims to know more gay firemen]
Well, maybe he just thought they were gay because they were well-groomed, and uh, into fashion. You know what I mean?
No.
Well, maybe they weren't homosexuals. Maybe they were metrosexuals.
What?
My daughter used that term last week.
The teenager?
The eight-year-old.
What in the sweet chocolate christ is a metrosexual?
It means that you aren't gay but you like to do certain things that might be considered gay. [they all stare at him, looking totally clueless and in shock] Right?
No, asshole. He doesn't know what the hell he's talkin' about. Look, a metrosexual is like a straight guy who happens to you know, also like to go shoppin' and-- and get facials and stuff.
Holy shit.
Shoppin' for food?
Nice food.
Yeah, and wine, and... clothes. Yeah, I'm not explaining it right. Franco you know what a metrosexual is, right?
Uh, that would be a huge goddamn 'no'.
It's not like a gay thing...
It's gay and it's not gay. It's like straight, regular guys who get like facelifts and bikini waxes.
Enough. Enough.
Male bikini waxes.
Enough! Nobody in this firehouse goes out and goes shoppin' anymore unless it's for underwear or for boots or for a pair of goddamn gloves. And nobody, and I mean nobody, goes and gets a facial unless that means putting water on your face to clean up after catchin' a job. And the word metrosexual from this point on is banned from this quarters. (walks out)
What the hell's a male bikini wax?
That's when they take the hair off of your scrotom.
Ow.
[in a pained voice] Why?
Chicks dig it.
Chicks dig us shaving our balls?
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