My dad's super allergic, you know, I couldn't have any pets, so this little guy fills that void.
You said I filled that void, Ben.
S1Magic
God, you sound like Ted.
Oh, that was harsh. Ted is a real douche bag.
You're one freaky ass bird, who scared the crap out of me and now I can't be comfortable around birds ever again. I hope you know that.
S1What About Blob?
What is Ted doing?
I put a note on his windshield. Says sorry, I hit your car.
You hit Ted's car?
Nope
Who did?
No one. But he's been looking for the damage for over ten minutes now.
S1Leon
LLeon
Tell me about your childhood.
My parents sold my soul to the devil.
I invented therapy so that the wicked could justify their actions.
S1Love, Bullets & Blacktop
The French invented love, so they could put a civilized face on a primal urge, and dress it up with candy, and hearts, and cupids. In the end, it all comes down to endorphins and genitalia.
S1The Cop
[Sock decides to stalk Gladys at the Work Bench.]
Sock, don't do anything stupid!
Sam, I am almost certainly going to do something stupid. It's in my blood. You know that.
S1Cash Out
Gladys wouldn't take the vessel.
That's because the vessel was half-full. Or half-empty, if you're Catholic.
(about Ben's track suit) You should keep that suit. You have never looked faster.
Do you remember a few years back there was a fire at Josie's apartment?
Yeah, right before you guys broke up.
Do you remember that it was around the time I was exploring my feminine side?
...No.
Well, mostly, I was into jasmine scented candles.
Did you burn down Josie's apartment?
It's a dark part of my life, Sam. I'm not proud of it.
S1Acid Queen
Hey you guys, want a Sock, Sam, and Ben muffin? They're delicious and nutritious.
Is it wrong that I am aroused and disgusted at the same time?
Probably, but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.
Did you guys ever eat anybody?
That's offensive. [walks away with Steve] That's offensive.
S1Rebellion
What? You don't like banana splits? What are you - some kind of commie?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Reaper pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.