Melanie quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

Sex is different for men than it is for women... the need is more immediate, more intense, at least that's what I've read.

Lindsay

Where, in Field and Stream?

Melanie

Just for your information, Lindsay and I fuck like crazy, we pant and drool like a couple of bitches in heat. Our pussies soak the sheets.

Lindsay

And we go at it a lot longer than the 10 minute tumble you guy's call sex.

Melanie

And you don't even wanna know how many times we get off in a night.

Michael

You're right, I don't.

Ted

I took Viagra last night! It's been 18 hours and it won't go down! What am I gonna do?

Emmett

Have you tried soaking it?

Lindsay

How about a cold shower?

Brian

How about scaring it?

Justin

That's hiccups...

Brian

Boo!

Ted

Thank you all for caring.

Melanie

What about something that would absolutely turn you off?

Brian

That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits?

Brian!

Melanie

I told you, he's a total hetero-probe!

Justin

It's true; he is.

Brian

It's true; I am.

Brian

What kind of a dyke are you, you can't even handle a power tool!

Lindsay

Oh, go away and play with your son!

Melanie

While you've still got your legs!

Emmett

Wow, somebody's on the rag.

Brian

Or not getting any.

Melanie

You see how much you get when you have a family to support, a kid to raise, and a major renovation going on under your roof. But, of course you never will because your only responsibility is to your dicks.

Brian

Which is why I'm smiling and you're not.

Melanie

We just need to be honest with her.

Lindsay

Okay. You do it.

Melanie

Me, what about you? You were there, too.

Lindsay

I know but you're much better at rejecting people than I am.

Melanie

Excuse me?

Lindsay

I meant that in the highest form of praise.

Melanie

It's that she's braver. And stronger. And a better woman than I'll ever be.

Debbie

That's the biggest load of horse shit I've ever heard. I'm not telling you it isn't scary, because it's fucking terrifying. And I'm not telling you it isn't painful, although it seems I've forgotten that. But I am telling you that having a kid is the number one top-rated experience in my life. And I'd hate you to see you deprive yourself of all of that because you think you're not woman enough.

Brian

Yo bitches, I'm offering to lend a hand.

Melanie

Beat it.

Brian

That's what I'm offering to do!

Melanie

I had that dream again!

Lindsay

Mr. Sperm Donor Pageant? Who won this time?

Melanie

Guess.

Melanie

It's funny, usually when we go to these events it's for my business and Lindsay's there to support me. But tonight, I'm the wife! [walks away]

Ted

Yeah... guess I am, too.

Lindsay

For someone's who's so intent on defending lesbian motherhood, you're not much of an example.

Melanie

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Straight mother's work full-time and have nannies, what difference does it make?

Lindsay

The difference is we have to be a little bit better!

Justin

Margarita Lopez.

Excuse me?

Daphne

Margarita Lopez. Was a transsexual. She was murdered five years ago. Her killers have never been found.

The Pittsburgh PD does it's best to solve every crime; however, there is always the occasional-

Justin

Jefferson Proctor.

Lindsay

Jefferson Proctor. Was a gay African-American. Shot to death half a block from Woody's. Crime unsolved.

Justin

Natasha Ginsberg.

Melanie

Natasha Ginsberg. Age 61. A lesbian out walking her dog. Stabbed to death. Killers still at large.

Justin

Justin Taylor.

Jennifer

Justin Taylor. My beautiful gay son. Attacked at his prom, left for dead, police reported it as a simple assault, instead of a hate crime, which it was. His attacker got off with community service.

Ladies and gentleman, I want to thank these concerned citizens for reminding me of the violence that threatens and sometimes claims the lives of members of this community; however, the vast majority of violence crimes are solved and the criminals apprehended.

I remember that boy. His murder was tragic, someone so young.

Debbie

Then what was his name?

I may not recall his name but I do know-

Justin

Jason Kemp.

Debbie

His name was Jason Kemp. And the reason you don't remember it is because no one on your police force was ever able to find out what it was. But I did! The waitress who found his body in a dumpster behind the diner where I work. Jason Kemp AKA Dumpster Boy! Murder unsolved.

Melanie

You certainly are a busy beaver.

Emmett

That's a true compliment, Melanie... coming from you.

Emmett

Do you have any idea how hard that was for him?

Lindsay

I know, I feel so bad for him.

Melanie

I don't, he's a fucking drug user.

Emmett

That is not true. He tried it once.

Melanie

Would you stop being a silly faggot and have some balls for Christ's sake?

Emmett

Well, I may be a silly faggot. But do you know something Mel? You're a cunt.