Ted quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Michael

I was going to tell you.

Ted

When? After you convinced us you found Paradise Lost?

Michael

When the time was right. But there's never a right time to admit that you failed.

Emmett

God, I want his ass.

Ted

Who doesn't?

Emmett

No, I mean I really want his ass. Instead of this tired old thing.

Ted

These characters have principles. When you have principles, you don't need orgasms.

Brian

You have principles when you don't have orgasms.

Ted

Even you have to admit, it's important that the straight world sees realistic portrayals of us.

Brian

You call that realistic? And who gives a flying fuck what straight people think?

Michael

I don't think any of us are in a position to judge considering some of the things that we've done.

Ted

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Michael

I could remind you of a few!

Brian

Some people take it to the streets.

Ted

Other people take it to the sheets.

Brian

Theodore Schmidt, you sex pig you, I didn't know you had it in you.

Ted

Oh I had it in me all right.

Melanie

I think you provide an extremely important service.

Ted

Preparing your taxes? Yeah, great, when's the last time it made you come?

Melanie

1998. I got a big refund.

Ted

Internet access? 38 dollars. Adult porn site membership? 29.95.

Michael

Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your own home? Priceless.

Brian

Masturbate the possibilities.

Michael

Emmett's a star.

Brian

His dick's a star. He's just the life support system.

Michael

Careful, he'll get a swelled head.

Ted

Save it for the website!

Ted

What happens if a condom breaks, or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?

Brian

Or if he shoots his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass?

Emmett

I can honestly say that there is not one thing hear I'd put in my mouth.

Ted

That's a first.

Emmett

Excuse me?

Ted

This food's the worst.

Michael

He wanted to diaper me.

Ted

Aw, poor baby.

Brian

Some guys are into prime-aged cock.

Ted

Better hope Justin is.

Ted

You did the right thing, the guy's positive!

Emmett

Positively yummy!