Emmett quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

[Ted and Emmett's new neighbor] So, where's Mrs. Schmidt?

Emmett

That'd be me!

Emmett

Back in Hazelhurst, I used to look up at those houses on the hill, you know, where the right people lived. And dream that one day I would live there, too. Now that my dream is finally coming true, I don't want people thinking-

Ted

-that we're the fags next door. That's what we're gonna be no matter what you do. If they don't say it to our face, they'll say it behind our backs.

You know, gay people have the same problems that we do.

Emmett

Isn't it amazing?

I have a cousin who's a lesbian.

Big deal. My brother is a tyranny.

What's that?

Some people are so ignorant aren't they?! A transsexual. Right, guys?

Yeah... yeah... that's right. A tyranny.

Emmett

We also know that deep down... that you care about us, even though you'd never admit it. Which is why I've--

Brian

I've already told Ted there's nothing--

Emmett

I know what you've told him. I also know what you think about Teddy and me. That we're just a couple of silly queens setting up house, it'll never work. Well, there's a time when I would have thought exactly the same thing. But miracle of miracles, I have never been happier in my entire life. And you want to know why? Because he gives me love. And respect. And now it is my turn to give him something back. I swore to myself that this wasn't going to wind up an old Lana Turner movie, but it looks like that's the direction it's headed. So I'm going to make Lana proud. Please, Brian. I am begging you. Help him.

Emmett

Even if worse comes to worse and you have to go to jail, it won't be so bad.

Ted

How do you figure that?

Emmett

You'll have time to read, and work out. It'll be like a spa vacation.

Ted

Oh yeah, I hear the prison guard's do a great herbal body wrap, and the chef's prepare a fabulous light cuisine.

Emmett

I'll come to visit and we'll make mad passionate love.

Ted

I doubt the state pen allows gay conjugal visits.

Emmett

They did in this film I saw.

Ted

Which one was that?

Emmett

Jeff Striker Does Hard Time.

Lindsay

I can't understand why people would ever want to leave their house.

Emmett

When it's so much safer just to close the door.

Lindsay

But if you close the door, nothing will ever happen, will it?

Emmett

Well, you'll just sit there in your safe little room for the rest of your life... wondering what might have been.

Emmett

[About Brian and Justin getting back together] Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

Ben

Yes, you are seeing it, the most historic reunification since Germany.

Emmett

What happened to the fiddler?

Michael

He fell off the roof.

They shut down the back room of Babylon, can you believe it? So we're going to my place to fuck.

Emmett

That's... nice.

Melanie

You certainly are a busy beaver.

Emmett

That's a true compliment, Melanie... coming from you.

Emmett

Do you have any idea how hard that was for him?

Lindsay

I know, I feel so bad for him.

Melanie

I don't, he's a fucking drug user.

Emmett

That is not true. He tried it once.

Melanie

Would you stop being a silly faggot and have some balls for Christ's sake?

Emmett

Well, I may be a silly faggot. But do you know something Mel? You're a cunt.

Ted

I felt so good... for once. All those voices that tell me that I'm shit, that I'm nothing, that I'm ugly... were finally gone. I felt so hot, so sexy... the way Brian must feel all the time. Everybody wanted me. And I wanted them. Could fuck a room full of guys and still fuck some more.

Emmett

Well, you don't need them now... cause you've got me.

Ted

Let me tell you something, no matter how many fancy parties you give or how much money they give you to give them you'll always be a piece of trash from Hazelhurst, Mississippi.

Emmett

I don't need you to tell me that, because I tell myself that every day. But at least I am not a tweaked out FUCKED OUT CRYSTAL QUEEN!

Ted

I don't want to be me anymore. I hated that person. For the first time in my life, I am relaxed, I am happy, and I am having FUN!

Emmett

You call this fun? This is pathetic.