Emmett quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Ted

I took Viagra last night! It's been 18 hours and it won't go down! What am I gonna do?

Emmett

Have you tried soaking it?

Lindsay

How about a cold shower?

Brian

How about scaring it?

Justin

That's hiccups...

Brian

Boo!

Ted

Thank you all for caring.

Melanie

What about something that would absolutely turn you off?

Brian

That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits?

Brian!

Emmett

OK, let me get this straight. Radames, the noble Egyptian warrior, could marry the Pharaoh's daughter and live more than comfortably ever after but instead he runs off with Aida, the slave-girl who happens to weigh like 200 pounds?

George

You're not supposed to notice that.

Emmett

How can I not notice?! Her name should be Aidalot ("I-eat-a-lot").

Ben

Were they lovers?

Ted

Would have been better if they had been. Then Brian could have broken his heart and Michael could have gotten over him.

Emmett

Instead of always wondering what it would have been like.

Emmett

What kind of homosexual are you?!

Brian

The kind that fucks men...

George

Don't be such a sissy.

Emmett

Any other impossible requests?

Emmett

Wow, somebody's on the rag.

Brian

Or not getting any.

Melanie

You see how much you get when you have a family to support, a kid to raise, and a major renovation going on under your roof. But, of course you never will because your only responsibility is to your dicks.

Brian

Which is why I'm smiling and you're not.

Brian

Hey what size does this come in?

Emmett

Twink, stud, and bear.

Brian

I'll take a... stud?

Ted

I'll take two!

Emmett

I think I sprained my wrist! See how it's hanging there all limp like that?

Brian

Doesn't look that much different to me.

Emmett

You're just jealous because we have what you don't.

Brian

Anal warts?

Ted

A loving, mature relationship... [to Emmett] open up for the choo-choo boo-boo!

Emmett

You know the one thing I wish more than anything in the world right now? I wish that I could talk to my best friend, Teddy. He's always so wise and caring and now he's my boyfriend and well, there's just some things you can't say to your boyfriend no matter how much you love him.

Ted

What is it?

Emmett

I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I must be crazy. I no sooner get together with this really wonderful guy, then I go and do something with someone that means absolutely nothing to me. I mean, why do I do these things?

Ted

Because you've never met a cock you didn't like. It's part of your charm, so don't be so hard on yourself. That's your best friend speaking. But as your boyfriend, I have to say that what you did was a flagrant betrayal! I'm not sure that I can ever trust you again. Then again, as your best friend, it's understandable you'd give into temptation. I mean, you've been single all these years. It's not easy to just settle down overnight. Still, it's one thing to know that as your best friend. It's another thing to accept it as your lover.

Emmett

I'm sorry, Teddy. For hurting you and for destroying what we might have had.

Emmett

I don't blame you for hating me.

Ted

I don't hate you. I love you. I know you very well... and I still love you.

Emmett

Are you saying that as my best friend or my lover?

Ted

Both.

Emmett

Honey, all you need is a little refresher course. And who better to instruct you then Professor's Honeylocust and Schmidt?

Ted

Doctor's of Cardiology.

Ted

Hey Bri, got yourself a new boyfriend?

Emmett

He's even younger than the last one!

Emmett

Does this mean you two will be related?

Brian

Yeah. Lesbians once removed.

Jennifer

Have you registered?

Emmett

Yeah, I signed up yesterday.

Ted

You did?

Emmett

I asked you if you wanted to take strip-aerobics.

Ted

I believe Jennifer means to vote.