The Chinese also invented the loo roll. Name 3 other Chinese inventions
Pot Noodles
Whispers
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[On fortune cookies]
I wish they'd be a bit more honest—I mean, snap, "With the amount of MSG you've just had, a massive coronary is on the way"!
[After Alan has related a tale of him being a member of the pub quiz team]
Wouldn't it be great if you walked into a pub with him, though … [points at Stephen] … with Fry on your team? "Yeah, this is Barry from down the road. Yeah, he does look like him." And Fry would be there having to fake it in the pub—"Oh, blimey!"
Giving it away by swearing in Latin!
[There's a picture of a statue on the screen.]
Who is this?
Eros.
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - EROS]
Well, thank you for falling into our little heffalump trap there. It’s actually the Angel of Christian Charity.
Eros.
Eros was the Greek god of love. This is the Angel of Christian Charity.
Why is it called Eros, then?
I saw a goat up a tree in Morocco. They go right up the top! I couldn't believe it, I thought it was somebody in the pub having me on, but no …
And you're sure it was a tree, not a goathanger?
What does a pair of pygmy chimpanzees do when they see a box?
HAHelen Atkinson-Wood
Wear children's clothes and have a tea party.
An octopus the size of a volleyball can fit into a soft drink can.
Er, bluff.
After a lifetime working with radioactivity, what did Marie Curie have two of?
Lesbians.
She had two lesbians? She left them in her will to someone.
What is the Italian for cuttlefish? Do you know by any chance??
Cuttlefishio?
[after a question barrage from Alan]
I'm looking at my information card here because you're really pumping me, Alan. You're pumping me.
[On opening champagne bottles the correct way]
I was always taught to do that. You actually twist it …
Yeah, twist, exactly. That's it.
MSMark Steel
Where do you get taught these things?
Well, where did you go to school, Mark Steel?
MSMark Steel
I went to Swanley Comprehensive, and that was every Tuesday morning we did Double Champagne Opening!
This was at a party given by their graces the Duke and Duchess of Westminster—
[Whistles go off and the words "Luvvie Alarm" flash on the screen.]
Oh, no! Come on! No! No! Fair dos! No!
The richest man in the country apart from Roman Abramovich.
I never penetrated his intimate circle, but …
Anyway, Celtic nations but especially Caledonia are rightly praised for their creativity, so name three Scottish inventions.
Oh, and you're gonna say they weren't invented in Scotland, are you?
I don't know, depends on what you say.
Well, the television is always the one that's sort of claimed...
[forfeit klaxon goes off - TELEVISION]
[After revealing that neither Television, Haggis nor Whiskey was invented in Scotland] Scottish inventions and discoveries include: Adhesive stamps, the Australian national anthem, the Bank of England, bicycle pedals, the breech-loading rifle--you'll notice I'm going in alphabetical order--Bovril, the cell nucleus, chloroform, the cloud chamber, cornflower, a cure for malaria, the decimal point, the Encyclopedia Britannica, fountain pens, fingerprinting, hypnosis, hypodermic syringes, insulin, the kaleidoscope, the lawnmower, lime cordial, logarithms, lorries, marmalade, matches, motor insurance, paraffin, piano pedals, the postmark, pneumatic tyres, RADAR, the reflecting telescope, savings banks, the screw propeller, the speedometer, the steam hammer, raincoats, tarmac, teleprinters, tubular steel, typhoid vaccine, ultrasound scanners, the United States Navy, Universal Standard Time, vacuum flasks, wave-powered electricity generations, and wire rope!
Why is pussy another word for front bottom?
I don't know, it's not my area of expertise.
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