Ned quotes from Pushing Daisies

Ned

You framed someone for murder you ASS!

Ned

[stares at a squirrel waiting for it to die, when a dead bird falls from the sky] It's raining dead birds.

Ned

Candy might be sweet, but it's a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.

Ned

Nun on the run! Nun on the run! Nun on the run!

Ned

We are so going to hell.

Ned

The truth is that there are a lot of people like you, us, with strange hobbies or talents or gifts and we try to hide it because we're afraid that it makes us seem weird or it will turn people off, but that's a mistake. What makes me unique has brought every person I love into my life.

Ned

[Having just been threatened by Chuck's father, whom he recently brought back to life] Hate to contradict you, Charles, but nobody in the village was after Doctor Frankenstein; they were after his monster.

Ned

You can't touch me.

Chuck

So a kiss is out of the question?

Ned

I just lost my train of thought.

Chuck

You can't just touch someone's life and just be done with it.

Ned

Yes I can. That's how I roll.

Emerson

You know what? We all have childhood issues. Okay? Believe me. I got the full subscription, okay? Horror stories.

Ned

I kind of killed her dad when I was ten.

Emerson

Maybe not horror stories.

Ned

She doesn't know. But I wanted to make it better or different than what it was, because what it was was her dead and I didn't want that to be my fault too.

Emerson

Well, who died instead?

Ned

[shows Emerson an obituary for the funeral director] It's a random proximity thing.

Emerson

Bitch! I was in proximity.

Emerson

The fact that he was a very, very bad man makes you feel better about what you did?

Ned

Yes. Immensely. I would have felt horrible if it was... you, for example.

Emerson

[smacks Ned on the head with rolled up newspaper.]

Ned

I'm not proud!

Emerson

You know, I'm glad you did it. Makes the worst thing I did seem insignificant.

Ned

Listen to you, all judgey-judge.

Chuck

[regarding Emerson] Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?

Ned

He barely knows you're here.

Narrator

In fact, Emerson had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.

Emerson

Lookit here... You need a ticket to ride this ride, and if your ticket gets punched then you gotta take somebody else's ticket.

Ned

Why are you still talking?!

Emerson

I'm ripping off the band-aid!

Ned

I'm not a ripper. I pull up a corner a little at a time and then I run it under warm water and I pull it a little bit more. It's a process!

Emerson

Let 'er rip.

Chuck

[noticing a pocket watch on Lawrence's body] Hey, I had one just like that.

Yeah, your dead body was buried with it.

Well, your dead body wasn't doing anything with it.

Emerson

Oh, you better be playing.

Ned

[checks his watch] 12 seconds.

Emerson

Oh, hell no! [runs out of the funeral home making the Sign of the Cross]

Ned

I can't catch her, Emerson.

Emerson

Can't suck on her toes, neither. Some women like that.

Ned

Is this a bad idea? Olive as a client? It's a little too close for comfort.

Emerson

[sarcastically] Oh, hang on a second, let me ask the money.

Emerson

Hey money, it's me, Emerson.

Emerson

I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, thanks for asking. Say, can I still pay my bills and buy stuff with you, even though you was Olive's money first? Uh huh.

Ned

Wait.

Emerson

[laughs] Yeah, okay then. Thanks. [laughs again] The money don't care. Touch him.