Charlotte King quotes from Private Practice

Charlotte

[to Cooper] Sex is best when you feel like you want to kill the other person.

Charlotte

[to Cooper] I am too much woman for you. I have more money, I picked a specialty that makes you nervous, I bought your way into the practice. I'm strong and I am comfortable with being strong and I like that I'm strong. And if that is too much woman for you, if that makes your junk feel tiny, I'm not gonna make myself smaller, I'm not going to put myself in a box so that you feel like a big man. I am a big woman, and you either get used to it or you get out.

Charlotte

I miss the good old days. When life and death was decided by God instead of doctors.

Violet

Well, we'd be out of jobs.

Violet

[to Charlotte] You're opening a practice here? What about Cooper?

Charlotte

This has nothing to do with him.

Violet

He's your boyfriend.

Charlotte

This is business and Cooper is personal.

Violet

It's not that simple.

Charlotte

Maybe not for you, but I am not a therapist. I don't have to talk about my feelings until everyone else's ears bleed.

Charlotte

Now, all we have to do is wait.

Cooper

Come on. Little Walter? [pretends to be holding a baby]

Charlotte

Are you trying to be funny?

Cooper

No, that was my grandfather. He was a piano tuner. Maybe he'll play an instrument, maybe the trumpet.

Charlotte

Please. It'll be a girl. Marjorie.

Cooper

Your grandmother?

Charlotte

My horse. Last animal I ever had. I was 15. She broke her ankle and had to shoot her.

Charlotte

Well, let's see. Duke and Landry are down on bourbon, Momma's taken to her room with the vapors and neither one of them wants any part of making a decision about Big Daddy.

Cooper

The vapors? You have a medical degree from John Hopkins. You've diagnosed your mother with the vapors?

Charlotte

[to Cooper] I want to marry you, tomorrow. In Vegas.

Cooper

Tomorrow? My mother-

Charlotte

Families complicate things. Family's messy. Let's do this. Marry me, Cooper Freedman.

Cooper

[to Charlotte] I want you to talk to me. Do you not see that we are a perfect match and you're screwing it up?

Charlotte

I got embarrassed and humiliated. So don't tell me about screwing things up. You think it's easy for me to look you in the face after I sobbed in your lap like a 12 year old girl, asked you to marry me and got turned down?

Charlotte

I get what you're doing for Violet.

Cooper

Please tell me you're not changing your mind.

Charlotte

I get that she's your best friend, but there comes a point in time when you can't have a woman be your best friend because there's a more important woman in your life. Or should be. But you and Violet, it's intimate. And she needs you. And, I think, at the end of the day, you need her. I'm outside of it. It's your thing. Your thing with Violet. And you want me to be a part of it, but I don't have it in me to make it work that way. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Cooper.

Charlotte

I slept with Archer Montgomery. I just thought you should know.

Cooper

No! No! You don't get to just walk away from me after telling me that. How dare you? How dare you do this?

Charlotte

It's just the way I am.

Cooper

Well, that's crap! You did the one thing you could, to push me away, to make me make the choice and not you. Guess what, Charlotte? That's not gonna work. I'm not going anywhere. You want to sleep with some guy to hurt me? To make me back off? Too bad. I'm here. I'm storming the freaking castle for you and you so underestimated me. What, you thought I was so weak that I'm going to walk away because my pride got wounded? You're mine and I'm not walking away because you're scared.

Cooper

I could've saved her.

Charlotte

You don't know that either.

Cooper

She could've had the baby yesterday, like she was supposed to. She doesn't do anything like she's supposed to.

Charlotte

Yeah, she's a real bitch that way. Just making a point.

Charlotte

Are you breast-feeding?

Violet

No, no I'm not. You know a lot of women don't breast-feed, I don't need to breast-feed. Like I should feel bad about it? I'm so sick of people trying to make me feel like I feel isn't what I should feel! If that makes any sense. No, no, Charlotte, I'm not breast-feeding, okay?

Charlotte

What you do with your boobs is your business. I only asked because you look like you need a martini, and if you're not breast-feeding, you can have a martini.

Charlotte

Which one of you has the erection? [all three men raise their hands] Priapism's not a joke fellas, if I don't get that mast down, this boat might never sail again.

Well, you want to walk my plank, captain?

Cooper

Hey!

Charlotte

What's your name.

Dan.

Charlotte

Well, Dan, let me tell you the procedure for reversing priapism. First, I take a long gauge needle and I push it down the head of the penis, then I slowly draw out blood, flush it with saline and repeat. Still the man, Dan? [Dan sits down]

I thought I married the Virgin Mary, turns out I married Mary Magdalene.

Charlotte

I know your heart feels broken clean-through right now, but if you walk you might regret it.

No, not after what she did.

Charlotte

[goes to leave, but stops] I'm not warm and... and feelings are so, um, I'm just going to tell you this thing, because here we do that. We tell you things and sometimes it helps ya. Oh, for the love... Anyway, here's the thing I want to tell ya. I was married, once. I married the first man I truly loved. Thought we had this whole fairy-tale thing going on. It was, he was amazing. We were amazing. And then he did something... something stupid and thoughtless and mean, the kind of something I was not willing to forgive. So, I left him, I left him behind and I went on and I live this whole other life now. And that's good, it's fine. I have a great guy, a doctor, my life is damn near perfect, but every once in a while, I think about that guy. That fairy-tale thing we had. I wonder if we'd still be amazing if we were together now. And I'll never know, because the minute it got hard, the minute it stopped being a fairy-tale, I cut and ran. Real life is hard, real life takes work, real life is thoughtless and mean, but that doesn't cancel out the love. So if you don't love this girl, walk away, but if you look at her and you know she's the one, you owe it to yourself to give her a second chance.

Cooper

We are breaking up.

Charlotte

Coop, we're having a fight.

Cooper

No, we're done. I'm done.

Charlotte

You don't get to be done. You don't get to decide what happens to us.

Cooper

Goodbye, Charlotte.

Charlotte

Okay, this, this is the problem right here. You won't man up and face stuff, you want to just cut and run. We're having a fight.

Cooper

No, the problem is that you are a sex toy I found on the internet. The problem is you're just a trashy little girl who's trying to please her dead daddy. And I shouldn't have expected much from you. My bad.

Charlotte

You act warm, all cute and cuddly, Cooper. But the bitch of it is, you're the one who's heartless. Not me, you. You're a cold, mean, miserable bastard who doesn't know a thing about forgiveness.

Cooper

You screwed another man and I forgave you!

Charlotte

That's just sex. I was talking about us. I was talking about love. You're supposed to love me.