Archer quotes from Private Practice

Addison

A polite house guest would've called to say they weren't coming home.

Archer

Good thing I'm not polite.

Archer

[to Addison] This is you. Not mad. Like the time I loaned your cashmere sweater to Crystal McCullen.

Addison

She puked on it. She puked up strawberry daiquiri all over my sweater.

Archer

I'm signing myself out.

Naomi

What? Against all medical advice?

Archer

Against your medical advice. Which makes you my doctor, so you have doctor-patient confidentiality.

Naomi

What, wait, wait. You want me to lie to Addison?

Archer

Yes.

Archer

[to Addison] I like women. I like a lot of women. But I am not married to Naomi and she is not the mother of my children.

Addison

Naomi sat by your side while you had surgery. She held your hand. You're upstairs sticking your tongue down her throat, seeing her every day, letting her believe that you two have something together.

Archer

Well, I thought I was dying.

Addison

You are... you are asking me to lie for you. You are making me feel dirty, and cheap, and I'm ten years old again. Telling Mother that I went out for ice cream with Daddy, when really I'm sitting in his office while he's screwing his secretary down the hall.