Cooper Freedman quotes from Private Practice

Charlotte

[to Cooper] I want to marry you, tomorrow. In Vegas.

Cooper

Tomorrow? My mother-

Charlotte

Families complicate things. Family's messy. Let's do this. Marry me, Cooper Freedman.

Violet

I'm pregnant.

Cooper

You're pregnant?

Violet

And I don't know who the father is. Cooper, we are two of the most emotionally stunted people I've ever known. We've never made any progress in our personal life. We don't do personal growth and now, here you are, getting married and I'm pregnant and we're just growing all over the place.

Cooper

[to Charlotte] I want you to talk to me. Do you not see that we are a perfect match and you're screwing it up?

Charlotte

I got embarrassed and humiliated. So don't tell me about screwing things up. You think it's easy for me to look you in the face after I sobbed in your lap like a 12 year old girl, asked you to marry me and got turned down?

Charlotte

I get what you're doing for Violet.

Cooper

Please tell me you're not changing your mind.

Charlotte

I get that she's your best friend, but there comes a point in time when you can't have a woman be your best friend because there's a more important woman in your life. Or should be. But you and Violet, it's intimate. And she needs you. And, I think, at the end of the day, you need her. I'm outside of it. It's your thing. Your thing with Violet. And you want me to be a part of it, but I don't have it in me to make it work that way. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Cooper.

Charlotte

I slept with Archer Montgomery. I just thought you should know.

Cooper

No! No! You don't get to just walk away from me after telling me that. How dare you? How dare you do this?

Charlotte

It's just the way I am.

Cooper

Well, that's crap! You did the one thing you could, to push me away, to make me make the choice and not you. Guess what, Charlotte? That's not gonna work. I'm not going anywhere. You want to sleep with some guy to hurt me? To make me back off? Too bad. I'm here. I'm storming the freaking castle for you and you so underestimated me. What, you thought I was so weak that I'm going to walk away because my pride got wounded? You're mine and I'm not walking away because you're scared.

Pete

We've made a decision.

Violet

Together?

Sheldon

Paternity test. Now.

Pete

One of us gets out of your hair, the other one... has a right to know.

Cooper

Look guys...

Pete

Know what, Cooper? You moved in, you pushed us out, you claimed your territory, but one thing is clear. This kid you're talking to, is not your kid, so, stay out of it.

Violet

Look, Pete...

Sheldon

The answer is right there for us to know.

Pete

We know that you don't want to face it, but we do.

Cooper

This bastion of men v men has been expropriated to be taken over by women.

Sam

You like women, Coop.

Cooper

Yeah, and you know what? I'm living with one with no sexual benefits, I'm sleeping with one who's way too complicated and the one place where there can just be men; there are women.

Violet

A year ago, I was stalking a man who wanted nothing to do with me and now I'm turning two good men down. Do I hate myself? Is it me? It it? Am I the problem?

Cooper

Do you think you're the problem?

Violet

Oh, that's very therapeutic, making the patient answer her own question. And now I'm avoiding it.

Cooper

I could've saved her.

Charlotte

You don't know that either.

Cooper

She could've had the baby yesterday, like she was supposed to. She doesn't do anything like she's supposed to.

Charlotte

Yeah, she's a real bitch that way. Just making a point.

Cooper

[to Addison and Sam] What is wrong with you two? What?

Addison

We made a pact.

Sam

Addison and I are ignoring our problems.

Addison

We are not going to talk or think about our problems anymore. Nothing even close to thinking or talking about our problems.

Sam

We're gonna be strong.

Addison

Strong.

Sam

In denial, but strong.

Addison

Strong.

Cooper

Yeah, well, that's, um, you know, stupid.

I'm doing the best I can for Elliot.

Cooper

No, I'm sorry, but no you are not. You have a child now. It's not about your mom and it's not about you anymore, it's about Elliot. And when you decided to have him, that meant putting everything else aside. Doing your best for Elliot means doing some hard stuff. It means growing up, it means asking for help, it means admitting to the people who love you you're drowning.

Charlotte

Which one of you has the erection? [all three men raise their hands] Priapism's not a joke fellas, if I don't get that mast down, this boat might never sail again.

Well, you want to walk my plank, captain?

Cooper

Hey!

Charlotte

What's your name.

Dan.

Charlotte

Well, Dan, let me tell you the procedure for reversing priapism. First, I take a long gauge needle and I push it down the head of the penis, then I slowly draw out blood, flush it with saline and repeat. Still the man, Dan? [Dan sits down]

Cooper

We are breaking up.

Charlotte

Coop, we're having a fight.

Cooper

No, we're done. I'm done.

Charlotte

You don't get to be done. You don't get to decide what happens to us.

Cooper

Goodbye, Charlotte.

Charlotte

Okay, this, this is the problem right here. You won't man up and face stuff, you want to just cut and run. We're having a fight.

Cooper

No, the problem is that you are a sex toy I found on the internet. The problem is you're just a trashy little girl who's trying to please her dead daddy. And I shouldn't have expected much from you. My bad.

Charlotte

You act warm, all cute and cuddly, Cooper. But the bitch of it is, you're the one who's heartless. Not me, you. You're a cold, mean, miserable bastard who doesn't know a thing about forgiveness.

Cooper

You screwed another man and I forgave you!

Charlotte

That's just sex. I was talking about us. I was talking about love. You're supposed to love me.

Cooper

[to a patient who doesn't want treatment] Well, I admit I don't know what it's like to get old. But when it comes to sex, I get that. And when you can't do it, I mean that is... Look, it happens, and it happens to every guy. I was with a woman I loved and we're fighting a lot, and, uh, I... I was stressed out and it made it difficult to perform.

And it was humiliating?

Cooper

Oh, it was. And so I pushed her away, and I treated her badly because I was feeling like I was less of a man. I was, I was wrong. I was wrong. Mr. Schmidt, I can't promise you that there'll be no side effects if you do this treatment, but I do know that you'll be alive. And you will get to continue to love Nora for a long time to come. You will be the man in her life, and that's the most important thing.

Charlotte

Violet's not here.

Cooper

Look, I don't know where I'm headed.

Charlotte

Do I look like a GPS to you?

Cooper

Would you just shut up? Let me finish. Let me talk. Figuratively speaking, I don't know where I'm headed. Even though I'm trying to get back there, I don't know how long that's gonna take. Where was I going with that? I had this memorized...

Charlotte

You were saying you don't know squat.

Cooper

Right. Okay. What do I know... what I realized from this whole ordeal, is what's important... Like, um... the people that you love. And you are important to me, Charlotte.

Charlotte

You're important to me, too.