Do we have to involve the entire newsroom in any little fight we have?
I don't know. Shall we take a vote?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[asking for extra concessions] And how about Lynda Day strung up by her ankles?
No problem. I believe it's how she sleeps.
What are you doing in my wardrobe?
Well your mum said I could wait in your room.
I don't think she meant in my wardrobe.
Would it have killed her to be a little more specific?
Kenny [on his music]: I'm warning you, Colin. This is the one thing in my life that doesn't get dragged through Lynda Day's newsroom and it's staying that way!
Kenny, can you go and shout at Graham for me?
Any particular reason?
Yes, but I forget. Better keep it general.
Tell Sarah the lead article is completely lousy, and if she doesn't have it up to scratch by seven tonight, I'll burn her house down.
Lynda, is there something you want to tell me about?
Kenny [on being slapped in the face by an unknown woman]: Normally beautiful women just ignore me. I see I'm entering a new stage.
Let's do lunch!
Colin [on the phone]: Sure you're calm enough, Kenny?
Colin, it's me. I invented calm. I only have a pulse at weekends. Where is lunch?
You don't sound calm.
It's a voice exercise. I have to talk through my teeth and imagine I'm kicking puppies.
Colin, I know that you arranged for Frazz to tape me in my wardrobe, so I would guess that you also arranged for the most beautiful woman I've ever seen to walk into my life and slap me in the face.
Yeah, sorry about that, kid.
No problem. Actually, that's what it was kind of like with me and Jenny, only she took longer on the backswing. But one question does spring to mind: why?
Kenny, where do you see yourself in ten years time?
Being nice to people in a new and older age group, being dumped by all my girlfriends for being too boringly nice, and never getting further through a sentence than 'But Lynda...'
Colin, you are almost worth knowing for moments like these.
There's a real world out there.
Yeah, and you ought to try it some time.
In your world, Colin, what colour is the sky? Do the trees talk to you?
Colin, try and understand this. I'm not agreeing. There's absolutely no way on this earth I'm ever going to be a rock star. Okay?
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