Kenny quotes from Press Gang

Lynda

I've had my day off now. Can I come in?

Kenny

It's still the morning.

Lynda

I got up early.

Kenny

Look, Lynda, make the effort. Relax.

Lynda

Have Spike wrapped and delivered. I'm bored.

Kenny

I'm not going to let you go to pieces while there is nothing to go to pieces about.

Lynda

So what are you saying, I should go in there and edit a newspaper?

Kenny

Put it this way, what would Spike want you to do?

Lynda

The usual. Wear tighter clothes and show more cleavage.

Kenny

Well, are you going to give into that kind of rubbish?

Lynda

If you weren’t such a perfect friend, I could like you better. And, by the way, I don’t mean that.

Kenny

Oh, I’ll get over it. You’re only calling me perfect because you’re mad at me.

Kenny

Lynda, I really don't think this is a good idea.

Lynda

When I say you're in charge, you're in charge, Kenny!

Sam

[asking for extra concessions] And how about Lynda Day strung up by her ankles?

Kenny

No problem. I believe it's how she sleeps.

Kenny

What are you doing in my wardrobe?

Colin

Well your mum said I could wait in your room.

Kenny

I don't think she meant in my wardrobe.

Colin

Would it have killed her to be a little more specific?

Lynda

Kenny, can you go and shout at Graham for me?

Kenny

Any particular reason?

Lynda

Yes, but I forget. Better keep it general.

Lynda

Tell Sarah the lead article is completely lousy, and if she doesn't have it up to scratch by seven tonight, I'll burn her house down.

Kenny

Lynda, is there something you want to tell me about?

Kenny

Colin, it's me. I invented calm. I only have a pulse at weekends. Where is lunch?

Colin

You don't sound calm.

Kenny

It's a voice exercise. I have to talk through my teeth and imagine I'm kicking puppies.

Kenny

Colin, I know that you arranged for Frazz to tape me in my wardrobe, so I would guess that you also arranged for the most beautiful woman I've ever seen to walk into my life and slap me in the face.

Colin

Yeah, sorry about that, kid.

Kenny

No problem. Actually, that's what it was kind of like with me and Jenny, only she took longer on the backswing. But one question does spring to mind: why?

Colin

Kenny, where do you see yourself in ten years time?

Kenny

Being nice to people in a new and older age group, being dumped by all my girlfriends for being too boringly nice, and never getting further through a sentence than 'But Lynda...'

Colin

There's a real world out there.

Kenny

Yeah, and you ought to try it some time.

Kenny

I don’t have a secret life.

Colin

You do now.

Sam

I was just wondering if you were a bit nervous about all this rock star thing.

Kenny

Well, a bit, I suppose, but don't tell anyone. I'm trying to hide it.

Sam

From that point of view, don't you think it would be a good idea if you came out from under the desk?

Kenny

"Tomorrow, definitely.

Sam

Can I give you a word of advice about being a rock star?

Kenny

“You’ve talked me out of it.

Sam

I’m not trying to. Kenny, rock stars are kind of, well, mean. What you’ve got to do is less of the cute, and more of the mean. I want you to find the mean part of yourself, Kenny.

Kenny

I lied to my Mum once… I told her I’d had a school lunch when I’d given my dinner money to Help the Aged.

Kenny

Lynda wants me there [at the presentation]. What sort of guy would I be if I went off and played at being a rock star?

Sam

I think you should give a lot of consideration to that.

Kenny

Thanks.

Lynda

For what?

Kenny

I don't know. Everything.

Lynda

I'm not responsible for everything. I just make it look that way.