TV show quotes
Characters
PeacemakerJohn Cena · 19 quotes
VigilanteFreddie Stroma · 12 quotes
John EconomosSteve Agee · 5 quotes
Auggie SmithRobert Patrick · 3 quotes
Clemson MurnChukwudi Iwuji · 3 quotes
Leota AdebayoDanielle Brooks · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Peacemaker & Vigilante (5), Peacemaker & Auggie Smith (3), Vigilante & John Economos (3)
I killed Rick Flag for you people!
No one ever told you to kill Flag.
Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could.
Funny, for you, how often "the only choice" and "killing people" coincides.
Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
You think I'm handsome?
I don’t care about the quality of the knife, as long as the blade is sharp.
Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them?
I don't know...
When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure?
[sighs] No...
Well, it does! [laughs] It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac?
Do you read the news?
No. What for? It's depressing.
Just remember, even if they end up being okay to "work with", they’re still not gonna be good friends. And none of them is the type to be a best friend!
Peacemaker, in my office. You sure your head is in this?
What?
You choked last night.
Are you kidding me? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you put a goddamn dove of peace on the sniper rifle! One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon.
That's bullshit and you know it!
You also told me to kill kids. You didn't say why! Yeah, okay, one was homely. That didn't make it better, it made it worse! I started to feel sorry for it.
Yeah, I may have pushed you too hard on that one.
I made a vow to have peace at any cost, no matter how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it. But I'm not fucking killing kids just because you say so!
You're sure that's all it is?
Yeah.
Good... 'cause right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.(Looks out at Vigilante) Well I guess him now, too.
Fuck it hurts to walk on!
You sure about that?
Yes. Why?
Vigilante's a bit, uh... (whistles).
You think that's something I wouldn't have noticed?
Yeah. Yeah, right. Ever since I had to team up with Matter-Eater Lad, my sense of what's normal is a little fucked up.
Batman doesn't kill people!
Because he's a pussy!
He's a dark creature of the night!
He's a jackass who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people! Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass to not kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck!
Shouldn't you kill him, then?
No! I'm not gonna kill my dad!
Why not?
Because I love him.
Oh!
Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower... not a shower.
What?
I don't mean like a dіck! I mean, like, a... a person, like, a guy, who you... like more as time goes on. An individual you don't like and then... you... you learn to like.
You're comparing yourself to a choad!
Not in a bad way!
I'm grateful that Black people gave us rock and roll music. Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, 38 Special... All those guys owe everything to Black American folk and blues musicians. I mean, they wouldn't exist without 'em, and then white redneck music would just sound like... well, what it sounded like before black people, which was the wet, sloppy sounds of fucking your sister. Okay, so that's my turn. Which one of you dumb, sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying, Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking pieces of sh¡t wants to go next?
Who the fuck are you?
You're first? Cool! Okay, wait. No, let me guess. Your favorite contribution to Black American culture was all the black guys who fucked your mom in the ass while you watched from the closet, jerking off?
[to Auggie] You're a bad dad.
[extended version from the outtakes]
Dude, I didn't mean to put your father in prison.
Then why'd you put him there, you fat fuck?!
Because I couldn't think of anybody else!
Well, what about Ariana Grande, or Drake?!
What?!
Brad Pitt or Payne Stewart or Doug the Pug... Khloé Kardashian, the red tiger from Voltron, Tinky-Winky, Mariska Hargitay, Mario, Super Mario, fuckin' Luigi! Yoshi, the Princess, Bert, Ernie, Grover, Snuffleupagus, Burger King, Grimace, Ronald McDonald, the two old guys on the balcony from The Muppets? Fran Tarkenton, Joe Montana, Joe Mantegna...
What the fuck?!
...Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan, BTS? Eugene Levy?!
Fuck, dude, half...!
Jon Lovitz? Shut the fuck up and listen, man. I'm giving you a list of people you could've done! Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, Jim Morrison, any one of the fuckin' Beatles! Pete Best? George Carlin.
Dead!
Danny Glover! Mel Gibson! Ice-T! Ice Cube! Vanilla Ice! Elvis fuckin' Presley, Priscilla Presley... Seth Meyers! What about Seth Meyers, or for that matter, Jay Leno? Conan's not really doing much right now! Will Ferrell, Howard Stern, Baba Booey, Robin Ophelia Quivers, fuckin Telly Savalas, Freddie Stroma, James Gunn! What the fuck, dude?!
Those last two aren't even things!
Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne. Bill Cosby, he just got out, he's got time on his hands! Amy Winehouse...
Dude, Amy Winehouse is fucking dead!
Optimus Prime, Shipwreck, Cobra Commander, the fuckin' cunts from Riverdale!
Alright, most of those, you're right -- could probably go to prison. But I would never put Ariana Grande in there! She looks too innocent!
Possibly true! Possibly.
Alright, next time I fucking have to frame somebody, it'll be one of all those fucking thousands of people you just mentioned!
Yeah, tell that to my dad.
Peacemaker, shut the fuck up!
You said the Blackheart Ruby weighed thirty pounds.
Yes.
And Kite Man was riding a kite?
That's right!
Wouldn't he have crashed anyway, due to gravity?
[long pause] No.
Have you ever met the Flash?
Yeah, I have met the Flash. Like everybody else who's ever met him, I thought he was an unbearable d-bag.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Peacemaker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.