Peacemaker quotes from Peacemaker

Peacemaker

School wasn’t my bag. It’s for dorks.

Peacemaker

To the 11th Street Kids. We came, we motherfukcin' rocked it! No matter how far away we are from each other, even our boy Economos, no one will ever break us apart.

Peacemaker

I killed Rick Flag for you people!

No one ever told you to kill Flag.

Peacemaker

Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could.

Funny, for you, how often "the only choice" and "killing people" coincides.

Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.

Peacemaker

You think I'm handsome?

Vigilante

Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them?

Peacemaker

I don't know...

Vigilante

When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure?

Peacemaker

[sighs] No...

Vigilante

Well, it does! [laughs] It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac?

Peacemaker

Do you read the news?

Vigilante

No. What for? It's depressing.

Murn

Peacemaker, in my office. You sure your head is in this?

Peacemaker

What?

Murn

You choked last night.

Peacemaker

Are you kidding me? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you put a goddamn dove of peace on the sniper rifle! One of the most important things about killing someone, to me, is a fucking dove of peace on the weapon.

Murn

That's bullshit and you know it!

Peacemaker

You also told me to kill kids. You didn't say why! Yeah, okay, one was homely. That didn't make it better, it made it worse! I started to feel sorry for it.

Murn

Yeah, I may have pushed you too hard on that one.

Peacemaker

I made a vow to have peace at any cost, no matter how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it. But I'm not fucking killing kids just because you say so!

Murn

You're sure that's all it is?

Peacemaker

Yeah.

Murn

Good... 'cause right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.(Looks out at Vigilante) Well I guess him now, too.

Vigilante

Fuck it hurts to walk on!

Peacemaker

You sure about that?

Murn

Yes. Why?

Peacemaker

Vigilante's a bit, uh... (whistles).

Murn

You think that's something I wouldn't have noticed?

Peacemaker

Yeah. Yeah, right. Ever since I had to team up with Matter-Eater Lad, my sense of what's normal is a little fucked up.

Batman doesn't kill people!

Peacemaker

Because he's a pussy!

He's a dark creature of the night!

Peacemaker

He's a jackass who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people! Riddle me this, how many people you think Batman's indirectly murdered by being too much of a candy-ass to not kill these fools who clearly need to be smoked once and for all, you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking, dementia-infested fuck!

Vigilante

Shouldn't you kill him, then?

Peacemaker

No! I'm not gonna kill my dad!

Vigilante

Why not?

Peacemaker

Because I love him.

Vigilante

Oh!

Peacemaker

Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower... not a shower.

Auggie

What?

Peacemaker

I don't mean like a dіck! I mean, like, a... a person, like, a guy, who you... like more as time goes on. An individual you don't like and then... you... you learn to like.

Auggie

You're comparing yourself to a choad!

Peacemaker

Not in a bad way!

Economos

Dude, I didn't mean to put your father in prison.

Peacemaker

Then why'd you put him there, you fat fuck?!

Economos

Because I couldn't think of anybody else!

Peacemaker

Well, what about Ariana Grande, or Drake?!

Economos

What?!

Peacemaker

Brad Pitt or Payne Stewart or Doug the Pug... Khloé Kardashian, the red tiger from Voltron, Tinky-Winky, Mariska Hargitay, Mario, Super Mario, fuckin' Luigi! Yoshi, the Princess, Bert, Ernie, Grover, Snuffleupagus, Burger King, Grimace, Ronald McDonald, the two old guys on the balcony from The Muppets? Fran Tarkenton, Joe Montana, Joe Mantegna...

Economos

What the fuck?!

Peacemaker

...Eddie Murphy, Michael Jordan, Michael B. Jordan, BTS? Eugene Levy?!

Economos

Fuck, dude, half...!

Peacemaker

Jon Lovitz? Shut the fuck up and listen, man. I'm giving you a list of people you could've done! Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, Jim Morrison, any one of the fuckin' Beatles! Pete Best? George Carlin.

Economos

Dead!

Peacemaker

Danny Glover! Mel Gibson! Ice-T! Ice Cube! Vanilla Ice! Elvis fuckin' Presley, Priscilla Presley... Seth Meyers! What about Seth Meyers, or for that matter, Jay Leno? Conan's not really doing much right now! Will Ferrell, Howard Stern, Baba Booey, Robin Ophelia Quivers, fuckin Telly Savalas, Freddie Stroma, James Gunn! What the fuck, dude?!

Economos

Those last two aren't even things!

Peacemaker

Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne. Bill Cosby, he just got out, he's got time on his hands! Amy Winehouse...

Economos

Dude, Amy Winehouse is fucking dead!

Peacemaker

Optimus Prime, Shipwreck, Cobra Commander, the fuckin' cunts from Riverdale!

Economos

Alright, most of those, you're right -- could probably go to prison. But I would never put Ariana Grande in there! She looks too innocent!

Peacemaker

Possibly true! Possibly.

Economos

Alright, next time I fucking have to frame somebody, it'll be one of all those fucking thousands of people you just mentioned!

Peacemaker

Yeah, tell that to my dad.

Murn

Peacemaker, shut the fuck up!

You said the Blackheart Ruby weighed thirty pounds.

Peacemaker

Yes.

And Kite Man was riding a kite?

Peacemaker

That's right!

Wouldn't he have crashed anyway, due to gravity?

Peacemaker

[long pause] No.

Have you ever met the Flash?

Peacemaker

Yeah, I have met the Flash. Like everybody else who's ever met him, I thought he was an unbearable d-bag.

Peacemaker

[to Auggie, while punching him] You killed my brother! You killed Keith! And you're only right about one thing, I am a piece of shit! I'm a piece of shit for listening to you for all those years! I'm a piece of shit for not killing you in your sleep!

Auggie

[laughs] You hit like a girl!

Auggie

Well go ahead and do it, you fucking pussy! [Peacemaker hesitates.] I knew you couldn't do it, you faggot. 'Cause I control you! Whether or not I kill you, you'll never be able to get the fuck away--

Vigilante

Dude, this is a really weird time to do your face exercises. I mean, I guess you don't get a totally sick, jacked face like yours without dedication, but...

Economos

He's crying, asshole.

The fuck are you doing?

Peacemaker

Getting my poison blowgun, fucko!

Well, why don't you just go for your piece, cumstain?!

Peacemaker

You're metaphorical, douchewad!