[to Victor] If it's sunny in the morning, you don't want to know it's going to rain in the afternoon.
[lying on floor, talking to Margaret] You know I never watch the weather forecasts. If it's a nice morning and they say it's going to be worse in the afternoon, how can you enjoy the morning? Best not to know about it. It's the same with life in general, there are certain things you don't ever want to think about.
Well, if that doesn't take the biscuit, I don't know what does! Did you see that? Young bloke from down the road with his girlfriend only having sex in the back seat of our car Well, I had forgotten to close the sun roof Bold as brass, just merrily getting on with it without a thought for my suspension They didn't even stop when I opened the door Stark naked, the pair of them And he had the cheek to tell me to go and put some clothes on Said I was lowering the whole tone of the area.
You mean I was fart-arsing about in front of an armed psychopath doing ruddy tai chi exercises jamming my hands in the air like a simpleton I could've ended up with a bullet through my [realises his cap may have got the hole from a rifle] ...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's One Foot In The Grave pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.


