Oh, and you have 10 seconds to catch the bus. RUN, BOY! [screams] RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
That's it, I QUIT! I'd rather get an F than work with you, Cook!
LLoomer
How do you know about engines? You're a girl.
I rebuilt a V-6 with my dad last year. Floored the heads and gave it 30 more horsepower. See ya.
Take the pistons and the points. See ya.
AAmy
I like kissing boys.
[Amy kisses Ned]
I just want a girl whose funny, athletic, smart, has a great smile, is a good friend, isn't afraid to take charge once in a while, likes sports and call me demanding, but I like them on the tall side.
You just described Moze.
What? Very funning! I've known her forever, we're just friends! And I'll know my perfect girl when I see her.
You see since, I actually never trust people, I researched and learned Cook's house is not for sale, there are no coconut factories in Hawaii, and I called his dad and he said Simon is in big trouble.
LLibrarian
Not "accordion" to my records! [Pulls out accordion]
Let's go to chapter 5, Torture!
Nah, let's start from the beginning.
So, how did it go with Faymen?
Something tells me he doesn't like me. Actually, it was him.
You just have to get to know each other, find out what you guys have in common. You both read. There's something. And I like him, and it's important that my best friend likes him.
Fine.
And got a little treat for you.
75 dollars to super nail salon and day spa?
My aunt gave it to me and it expires today. We can get manicures, get our faces scrubbed.
EHHH!
Guys get manicures all the time.
Then ask Faymen.
He's got a big soccer practice tonight. Did you know he's like some big soccer prodigy in Brazil?
Then I suggest you ask a girl.
Of Course. I'll just ask...[crickets chirping] You know, I'm just gonna pick up the phone and call...[owl hooting] I'm the captain of the volleyball team. I'll just get one of my friends on the team to go.
[High-pitched scream]
My Pen! My Lucky Pen's gone! GG-GG! I ACED 5 tests with that pen and now I'M GONNA FLUNK and be a flunky.
[ringing bells]
OK. Let's split up. Cooke, you stay here, look for your stupid pen! Ned, you go to study hall, make friends with Faymen.
AAH!
I'll go to practice and find a girl to go to the spa with.
MMissy
I'm popular and pretty. GO OUT WITH ME.
FFaymen
My fart belongs to Jennifer.
MMissy
What? Your WHAT?!
FFaymen
My fart!
HE MEANS HEART!!!
Caaaarbaaaash! Yeah, you hold a car bash! You get an old junky car, and then you charge kids a buck to bash it in with a sledge hammer! We did it in college, we raised over three hundred dollars!.
(His guards don't let him in) Sorry, Cookie, but my parents banned you because of what happened last year.
What? What did I do?
(flash back)
So I almost burned down the house. It wasn't my fault. It's the song that should be banned and not me.
Yeah, sorry, but speaking of fire, did you see Lisa? She is hot. (Cookie says nothing) Laters!
But.....[he walks out]
How dare you!
[Simone slaps Seth's face]
What did I do?
How dare you not remember what you did!
[Simone slaps Seth's face again]
Who are you?!
How dare you not remember who I am! [Simone slaps his face and he falls down] Stay away from him!
How did Missy get you to ask her to Seth's party?
Well...
(flashback)
She wore me down. But, anyway, I need to move on from [sees Suzie] SUZIE CRABGRASS?!
Yeah, I invited Suzie and she came. (turns to Ned) I bet you're feeling pretty conflicted right now. Anyway, laters.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.