Ah, nice timing, Jethro. I thought you'd like to see what we found in our scans. Or rather what we didn't find.
[gleefully] His brain is missing!
There's no need to get so excited, Mr. Palmer.
S6 E6Murder 2.0
[after his shoes are superglued to the floor] Again with the Krazy Glue?
[whispering whilst hiding under her desk] Consider yourself lucky! It was either that or hydrochloric acid!
S6 E7Collateral Damage
WAgent Wilson
How's Gibbs to work for?
What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by him? That his steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That he can only be killed by a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give him indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill him.
Dwayne Wilson...
He's a baby agent.
And I'm looking at his personnel report because...?
That's your thing!
My thing? [pause] Ah, I take it that Agent Wilson is alive.
Oh yeah.
So you don't want me to do an autopsy, which leaves my other thing. Psychological profile?
No, you went back too far.
I got it.
No, you went back too far.
That's why I'm going fast forward now.
Hey, just... let me do is. Let me do it! Please? Okay? You handle this like you handle your car!
And if you want to handle anything ever again remove your hand from my mouse!
It's like when you bring a date home you want them to like you. You don't introduce them to your weird uncle Jethro till like the fifth date!
Since when are you an expert on fifth dates. DiNozzo?
You are very right, boss.
I do not understand. If you want someone dead, you knock on their door. They answer, you shoot them. Easy.
[Gibbs smiles]
[shocked] For some.
I had a bad feeling about that guy. His teeth sparkled.
Meaning?
Meaning no one has teeth that white unless they have something to hide.
Think about it, you take a date back to your family's house, you want to make a good impression. You want them to like you. You don't introduce them to your weird Uncle Jethro until, like, the fifth date.
Since when are you an expert on fifth dates, DiNozzo?
You're very right about that, boss.
S6 E8Cloak
What is this place?
SSoldier
It's classified.
Classified? What have you got in there? Aliens? Bigfoot? Ark of the Covenant? That only leaves one thing.
ZMZiva and McGee
[in unison] Unicorn!
[hiding with Tony in a closet] Stop breathing! [Tony stops breathing as guard walks past]
Stop interogating me, McGee!
Stop acting weird!
I am weird!
Didn't we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration?
Look, I, too, had hoped things would be different by now.
I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind.
The way you're losing it, I don't think you have enough to spare!
I'd take that toothpick of his and shove it up the SecNav's cigar.
You have had enough of this job, then.
I like the job. I don't like the politics. Wasn't kidding about that part earlier.
If you had ever had some military training, then maybe you would have learned to follow orders.
What, like you? We were given a direct order not to engage. I recall that you were the first one to throw a punch.
It was a reflex!
Hmm. Really? Then what happened after? The last thing I remember before the lights went out was you Kimbo Slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?
Yes! It was! Gunshot went off. I saw you -- [long pause]
I'm tired of pretending.
So am I.
Wonder what they are doing up there.
Does the Navy still hang people?
Tony!
Well, it is treason, Abby.
McGeeeehee!
What else can they do? There's no way she walks out of here.
No way.
LLee
Good night everyone! [Walks out]
William Felton Russell, 5-time MVP, greatest basketball champion ever. He used to get so nervous, so pumped, he had to throw up before every game.
You have chosen to model your behavior after a man who vomited on a regular basis?
Nine titles in eleven seasons! Hall of Fame. One night, the Celtics take the court. It's a big game, huge. Red's watching them warm up from the sidelines, but something's not right. He can tell, not clicking. He clears the floor, takes them all back down to the locker room. Why? Because Russell didn't throw up. You know what Red says next?
[entering] "Get in there and puke, we've got a game to win."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.