[Lee draws back her hand to throw a knife. It flies out of her hand and hits the wall behind them, narrowly missing Gibbs as he enters.]
Ziva: I thought you said you grew up around weapons?
Lee: I did. I didn't say my father let me near them.

[McGee and a dog handler come down to pick up Jethro, to find Abby has locked herself and Jethro in her office with loud music on, ignoring them. McGee is still trying to nudge the glass door open and get her attention as Jethro growls]
Abby: Pay no attention to them, Jethro.
McGee: (sighs) Abby, open the door. (no response) Jethro has to go now... Abby!
Abby: I can't hear you, McGee!
McGee: If you can't hear me, why did you answer?
[Abby frowns and gets up to turn the music up louder, then turns to face them.]
Abby: I am not opening the door until Jethro is proven innocent!
McGee: Abby, do not make a scene!
Abby: Too late, McGee! I am in full scene mode!
McGee: You can't stay in there forever.
Abby: [indicating a large container of Caf-Pow] I'm fully stocked on both Caf-Pow... [indicating a bag of dog food] ...and kibble. I'm good for at least a few days. (Jethro barks)

[McGee and Tony enter a therapist's waiting room. Tony is about to knock on the therapist's office door when McGee stops him]
McGee: Don't do that!
Tony: Do what?
McGee: He might be with someone! [He turns on a light switch]
Tony: That tells him someone's here?
[Tony impatiently switches the switch on and off several times quickly]
McGee: Haven't you ever been to a therapist before?
Tony: Me? No. [Sits on a couch] You?
McGee: Yeah. Once when I was young.
Tony: For your Acrophobia?
McGee: You're blowing that all out of proportion, Tony.
Tony: Well, you showed a pathological fear of heights today.
McGee: I was staring down ten stories. Being a little disoriented is a little understandable.
Tony: Disoriented? Your panties were in a twist. Tears in your eyes. Oh, wait. I couldn't see your eyes because they were shut so tight! You were hysterical like a little girl!
McGee: I was not.
Tony: You were huggin' the ladder. Ladder hugger. And I got the photographic evidence. [Pulls out a camera phone] Let technology show you the truth. [Shows McGee a video of him nervously on the ladder]
McGee: My eyes are not closed. I was blinking.
Tony: [Looks at the video] Oh. Oh, is that- Is that what you were doing? Let's let the people decide.
McGee: You're not going to post that on YouTube?
Tony: I might.
McGee: You give me that thing or I'm gonna-- [Tony shuts the phone] Hey! [Begins wrestling for the phone]
Tony: [Holding the phone away from McGee's grasp] What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?
[Both begin fighting over the phone]
Dr. Fleming: Hey, hey. Hey. [Both stop fighting] You two have deeper issues than you discussed on the phone.
Tony: On the phone?
Dr. Fleming: Aren't you the couple who called up about marriage counseling?
McGee: [Realizes] Couple? Us? No, no... [Begins moving away from Tony]
Tony: It's okay, Timmy. Timmy. We're in a safe place. We can be ourselves here. [McGee quickly moves away from Tony and stands in front of Dr. Fleming] We just got back from Vermont. Pretty there this time of year.
McGee: Sorry. [Shows Dr. Fleming his badge] NCIS. Special Agents McGee, and DiNozzo.
Tony: [Stands] Very special agents.

[McGee and Ziva are debating who should be the one to plant a bug in a mosque]
McGee: I'll flip you for it.
Ziva: If I flip you, you will get hurt.
Tony: [whispers] You can take her, McGee.

[McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble]
Tony: Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.
McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.
Tony: [chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?
Ziva: It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.
McGee: Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.
Tony: [chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.
McGee: [smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.
Ziva: You peeked!
McGee: Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.
Tony: You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.
[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]
McGee: [frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.
Ziva: [smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.
Tony: You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.
McGee: No....
Ziva: [laughs] Sixty-two points!!!
Tony: Jedi wins.
McGee: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: [walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.
[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]
McGee: Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.
Tony: So he didn't actually lose.
McGee: Correct!
Gibbs: So he wasn't actually humiliated.
[Ziva and Tony look at each other and chuckle on their way out.]
McGee: [hurries after them, muttering] "Kwee"....

[McGee and Ziva are trying to find a bullet in pile of vomit]
McGee: Well, we could toss a coin. [Ziva gives him a look] Or not. All right, give me some gloves.
Ziva: You didn't pack the gloves.
McGee: I thought you packed the gloves.
Ziva: [laughs] I didn't pack the gloves.

[McGee doesn't want to go into the room where the explosion happened, and Tony gives him a job to do outside]
McGee: [as he's leaving] On it, boss!
Tony: [smiles] I do love it when he calls me boss.
Ziva: Is that why you're being nice to him?
Tony: I'm not being nice. Lugging foot lockers is probie work. [Ziva gives him a knowing look] ...All right, I cut the probie some slack.

[McGee has been working on the NCIS computer network by himself, despite having no orders to do so.]
Gibbs: You have any idea where thinking like this is going to lead you?
Tony: Yeah, do you, McGee?
Gibbs: Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony. It looks like he could use a workout.
[After Gibbs, and an irritated Tony leave]
Kate: Don't let him intimidate you, McGee, that's my job today.

[McGee has just saved Tony from falling from a high level of a parking garage and they are both sitting on the ground against the concrete partition, panting.]
Tony: I love you, McGee. [pats McGee's knee] I promise I am never going to give you a hard time again.
McGee: Yeah, right. [Tony pats McGee's chest, McGee bats his hand away.]

[McGee has to wear hospital scrubs while Abby tests his clothes for radiation.]
Tony: Clothes make the man, what does that make McGee?
Ziva: Male nurse?
Tony: No, Aquasmurf.

[McGee is on the phone with Tony, concerned he's lost their signal]
Tony: Define 'lost', McGee. I know exactly where we are. We're between a tree and a bush, directly underneath the earth's sun.
McGee: Well you're not showing up on the map, let me restart the scan.
Tony: You might wanna hurry. Ziva's turning in circles; either the trail's gone cold, or she's about to mark her territory.

[McGee is talking to the Deputy Secretary of State in MTAC]
Deputy Secretary of State: And what exactly did agent Gibbs tell you to say to me?
McGee: He told me to tell you... stick it.
Deputy Secretary of State: You're telling me to...?
McGee: Stick it! Thank you, Mrs. Secretary of State, our conversation is now over.
[He signals to cut off the connection. The MTAC staff break into applause.]

[McGee sneezes]
Tony: Cover your mouth.
McGee: I'm allergic to sawdust. Mostly pine. I'm better with hardwoods. You know, walnut, oak.
Tony: Were you a sickly child? Because I'm betting you were a sickly child.
McGee: I need my inhaler.
Tony: I want Ziva back.

[Midway through Tony and Ziva's undercover act as married assassins, Abby calls with autopsy results that show the wife was pregnant.]
Ziva: What are you doing?
Tony: I'm trying to picture you pregnant.
Ziva: Don't!
Tony: I have to, I'm gonna be a father! It's a great responsibility.
Ziva: Maybe it's not yours.
Tony: Maybe she didn't know.
Ziva: Oh, she knew.
Tony: Then why take this contract? Put our unborn child in danger?
Ziva: Maybe we needed the money.
Tony: Kids are expensive...
Ziva: And bullets are cheap. There is a big chance that this meeting is a set-up, Tony.
Tony: Are you scared?
Ziva: No... excited.

[Palmer follows the team in his car.]
Gibbs: What are you doing here?!
Palmer: I thought I could help...
Gibbs: What part of "stay" don't you understand?! Stay! Palmer, you stay in the car!