Ziva: Ugh.
Tony: You know it's too early when there's no one even here to make coffee.
Ziva: Does that mean you made some?
Tony: Oh yeah, and I made some nice muffins too. Get 'em while they're piping hot.
Ziva: You should have got some on the way in.
Tony: Who had the time? I got the pre-dawn wake-up call after a 2:00 A.M. night, no less.
McGee: Anyone know what's up?
Tony: Oh hey, Timmy. Yeah, Gibbs wants to get a jump on Jimmy's bridal registry. Ziva's thinking his and hers salad tongs.
Ziva: At the moment I can think of nothing but coffee.

Ziva: We need to talk.
Gibbs: Sit down.
Ziva: When I came to see you and said I wanted back, you said it was the director's call, but I sensed your hesitation. I sense it now, even though I thought I made myself clear. I understand what you did in Israel --
Gibbs: Your brother Ari.
Ziva: You know what happened that night. I was here.
Gibbs: I want to hear it from you. You had orders to kill your brother to earn my trust.
Ziva: Yes.
Gibbs: That's a problem.
Ziva: You don't understand.
Gibbs: You're damn right I don't understand!
Ziva: When I volunteered for that mission --
Gibbs: You killed your own brother, Ziva!
Ziva: It is because I hoped my father was wrong about Ari, and I did not want someone else blindly following orders! I volunteered to protect him, Gibbs!
Gibbs: You lied to me.
Ziva: No, when I told you Ari was innocent, I believed it! But yes, I would have lied to you. He was my brother and you were nothing. But I was wrong about Ari and you. When I pulled the trigger to save your life, I was not following orders. I mean, how could you even think -- he was my brother. And now he is gone, Eli is all but dead to me... [fighting tears] And the closest thing I have to a father is accusing me.
Gibbs: ...Okay.

Ziva: Well to answer your question how would I get him brut force is intriguing.
Tony: Who are we talking about right now Pack Su Ji or the Texas Longhorn.
[Tony laughs]

Ziva: What is CGIS?
McGee: Coast Guard Investigative Service.
Ziva: The Coast Guard has an investigative branch?
McGee: Well, they're smaller than us, but with a wider law enforcement reach.
Ziva: But it is the Coast Guard!
Tony: Whoa, whoa. No need to get uppity. Yes, Virginia, there is a CGIS.
McGee: Now they may not have our track record, or our je ne sais quoi, but they are our legitimate sibling.
Tony: Like Corky in Life Goes On.

Ziva: What is going on?
Tony: I found fifteen hairs in my shower drain this morning. I tell you this because you're my friends and I need you. For twelve years, every morning I have counted the hairs in my drain and there have never been more than five. Never more than five. Never!
McGee: Every day?
Ziva: For the last twelve years?
Tony: You say that like it's not normal.
Ziva: Well that is because it's not normal.
Tony: What's not normal is a man of my vim and vigor going bald!
Ziva: Well, bald can be sexy.
Tony: Sure, if you're Connery or Nicholson. Would you date a bald man?
Ziva: I have dated men with thinning hair, yes.
Tony: Haha! Thinning hair, but not -- [makes squeaky noise] -- Baldy McBald. Hi, Special Agent Baldy McBald, want to go to Mount Baldy this weekend to do bald things? Bald!!

Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.
Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.

Ziva: What?
Tony: I'm just watching the pheromones ooze from your body.
Ziva: I do not see anything.
Tony: That's because they're invisible. It's just a musky scent given off to attract the opposite sex.
Ziva: Now you're being ridiculous.
Tony: Oh, no. It's true. Think about it: first you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.
Ziva: [speaking of the British liaison officer to the U.S. Navy] He is charming.
Tony: What is it with chicks and Brits? Jagger, Bono, Beatles, Bond.
Ziva: I am not into bondage, I can assure you.

Ziva: When you shot Michael I almost killed you where you stood.
Tony: I wasn't standing.
Ziva: No, you weren't. You were lying on the ground, without adequate backup, completely violating protocol.
Tony: And double parked.
Ziva: Yes, I noticed. But that does not matter. Just like it does not matter how it worked out for Michael.
Tony: So what does?
Ziva: That you had my back. That you have always had my back. And that I was wrong to question your motives.
Tony: So why did you?
Ziva: I trusted my brother Ari. I trusted Michael. I could not afford to trust you.
Tony: I thought you weren't sure what to say?
Ziva: I guess I had a long time to think about things.
Tony: I'm sorry, Ziva.
Ziva: No. It is I who am sorry. [kisses Tony on the cheek]

Ziva: Where are we going?
Zwede: Not far.
Ziva: And, uh, what are we taking? What's in the truck?
Tony: [In a car outside with McGee, wired in] What's in the truck?
McGee: What is in the truck?
Zwede: [Opens truck slowly, everyone is waiting on edge]
Ziva: [After seeing the watermelon crates, sounding incredulous] Melons?
Tony: Did she say melons?
McGee: Melons in the truck.
Tony: Melons...
McGee: What are in these melons?

Ziva: You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gi -- [looks around the room quickly]
Tony: [chuckles] You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.

Ziva: You cannot trust a man whose loyalty has a price.

Ziva: You two are being ridiculous. Everyone's hair thins. It's barely noticeable! It's not like you're going gray. [realizes Gibbs is standing behind her]
Tony: I'm so glad that wasn't me.
Ziva: [to Gibbs] Gray can be sexy. [watches as Gibbs walks away to answer his phone and shoots Tony a dirty look]
Tony: [whispers] Lucky.

Ziva: You've barely spoken since we left, brilliant chatterbox.
Tony: Not feeling so brilliant, I guess.
Ziva: Well, if it's any consolation, your friend Judy did not seem the least bit spoken for to me either.
Tony: Vance was right to yell. I'm off my game. I've lost my focus. It's like half my brain is still stuck in that elevator.
Cast

Ziva: [to a suspect who has grabbed her butt] Remove your hand or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!

(Abby is sitting in her lab looking at a picture Kate drew of her. Kate appears in gothic clothing)
Kate: You're a mess, girl. Red eyes, no makeup. If ever there was a time for black lipstick, it's now.
(Abby begins applying lipstick)
Kate: Remember when we first met? I couldn't believe you were a Forensic Scientist! I always thought goths had bats for pets, or vice-versa.
Abby: I really liked you, Kate. A lot.
Kate: Don't start that again. Wear your pigtails, I love you in pigtails!
(Abby pulls her hair back into pigtails)
Kate: That's better. You were persistent, Abs. First the black lipstick, then the black nail-polish. Next thing you know, I have a tat on my bum.
(Abby giggles)
Kate: Oh God... Ducky's gonna see it! I'm dead, and I'm embarrassed!
(Both laugh, Kate's voice fades away, Abby continues laughing.)