TV show quotes
[as Ziva enters] Oh, this should be interesting. Goliath, I'd like you to meet one of our Israeli friends.
[Ziva slaps Lissack.]
[in Hebrew] You are a traitor to our country and our people.
[in Hebrew] I never sell weapons to Hamas or Hezbollah!
[Furious, she grabs him by the front of his coat.]
[in English] You sell to people who do!
You're lucky she doesn't have her slingshot.
Zaire? You are taking me to Zaire?
You sold a shipment of RPGs to their army. They were very disappointed with the quality of the merchandise.
I believe the President himself is eager to discuss how you stiffed him.
He, in turn, has some information Mossad needs...
And we owe Mossad a favor since they told us you were in D.C., so here we are. We deliver you to Zaire, the President gives Mossad the information it needs, and everyone is happy.
[eyeing Goliath] Well, not everyone.
[desperate] Please, I-I am very wealthy. I have diamonds!
[pretends to wince] Ooh, you had diamonds. This jet is very expensive, and somebody had to pay for it.
[Ziva is teaching knife throwing. Tony off to the side is eating Froot Loops and smirking]
At Mossad we have a saying: Knives don't run out of bullets. Now, any questions pertaining to this class?
I've got one. You ever killed anyone with a spoon?
No, but I am seriously considering it.
[Lee draws back her hand to throw a knife. It flies out of her hand and hits the wall behind them, narrowly missing Gibbs as he enters.]
I thought you said you grew up around weapons?
I did. I didn't say my father let me near them.
McGee, you find any more maggots crawling around you bag them for evidence.
Ziva, I would give you a hundred dollars to trade with me.
You're afraid of bugs, McGee?
Bugs, no. Wriggling faceless blob creatures crawling inside human flesh, yes.
Believe it or not I used to feel the same way.
How'd you get over it?
I've found that if you are hungry enough they actually don't taste that bad.
I hereby accept your challenge. We will meet on the field at dawn. Weapons: Caffeine fueled intellect versus cold silicon based intelligence. Until then I bid you a good day sir. (turn around to see Ziva and McGee behind her who are trying not to laugh) Hi.
Hi. you talk to your Mass Spectrometer?
Ya, sometimes. Why?
You challenged it to a duel.
Well it spit out a chemical composition that I'm not familiar with. There has to be some sense of decorum around here. I'm running it through the computer now.
Well, Gibbs is more interested in this. (holds up a pink, laminated card) Did you find anything yet?
When, McGee. If you haven't noticed, I'm the only one here! Which may be why I started talking to my machines in the first place.
Well, Abbs, I've got to tell him something.
Tell him you love him, McGee. It works for me.
(walks in with a Caf-Pow) Not all the time.
(Tony, Ziva, and Carson watching Gibb's interrogation)
It's almost unfair interrogating junkies.
It's like shooting fish in a pond.
I um… I think you mean a barrel.
Why would a fish be in a barrel?
Um... I, um... it's a good point. I never really thought about it before.
Mm-hmm.
(Tony and Ziva looking at a vacation website)
Where are WE going?
We're not going anywhere.
Who are you taking, McGee?
I, I cannot believe you forgot.
Oh my god, this is where your grandmother choked to death on veal.
Well, nothing says 'I love you' like a rotting corpse in an abandoned crap hole.
Have you ever wondered why perfectly healthy individuals suddenly and occasionally keel over and die, Mr Palmer?
Now that you mention it...
No no no. It's a trick question. They don't.
[Abby is listing organic compounds and the chemical breakdown of the victim's body fluids]
[to McGee, who is standing behind him] Friends of yours, Elf Lord?
Poison has been the weapon of choice for women for centuries, except they tend to hide it in food rather than drink.
That would explain why my last ex-wife spent so much time in the kitchen.
Lieutenant Roy Sanders, Sir. I need you to investigate a murder.
Whose?
[pulls out a clump of his own hair] Mine.
This is killing me. I feel like I know him.
Mossad?
Maybe.
Internet dating?
I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paperclip.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
