Dr. Forrester and Jack Perkins in “Turkey Day '95”

Ah, greetings, you unfortunate total losers. I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, it's Thanksgiving, and once again, I shall soon be ruling the world. As you cling to one another, weeping in desperation, you may ask, "Why now? Why me?" Because my mother's coming over in a few hours, and I'd like to be ruling the world by the time she gets here. [the doorbell rings] Oh no! Mother! She's early! Oh, what do I do?! I'm not ruling the world! [answers the door]

Hello, and warm Thanksgivings greetings, Dr. Clayton Forrester.

PERKINS?! What the hell are you doing here, you pedantic, leathery old-?!

Now Clay, come, I come bearing an invitation from Television's own Frank, done in a tasteful, yet not too formal bookman old style font on a crisp and elegant eggshell-

Would you just give me this?! [takes the invitation away] "Please join Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank... THANKSGIVING DINNER?!" FRAAAAAAAANK!!!!! [begins sobbing]

Oh, now Clay, this is going to be fun. Say, I brought a tangy Mexican three-layer dip. I hope there's enough for everyone.

Everyone? There's more??? Oh, son of a- Perkins, my mother will be here in just a few hours. I don't even know what I have in the kitchen. Maybe some Ramen noodles...

Oh, now Clay, that'll never do for Mother Forrester, let alone the rest of the guests. I'll tell you what let's do. Why don't you nip to the store with this list, prepared for me by Burt Wolf, just about the finest shopping list I've ever seen, and I'll stay here and take care of things here.

Uh huh, good, good. I'll just nip down to Piggly Wiggly, and get the stuff on the- oh be a dear, Jack and send them the movie?

Why of course. [Dr. Forrester runs off] Hello, and welcome to the first movie in this our Turkey Day marathon. This one is a fun hunk of cinematic sludge that I like to think of as one of the finest-[Forrester runs back and gives him a card to read from before running off again] Thank you. "You brainless monkeys, I will make you bow down before me. One day, you will all be before me prostrate, quaking, naked and frayed, and I... will show you the meaning of loss. [laughs] So that I might quickly dominate you, this year I've selected a fast-acting episode from the first year of my experiment, The Crawling Hand- Ahhh! Enjoy."