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S2

Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 2

Judge, Joel [as Angel] and others in “X Marks the Spot (short)”

JJudge

By the way, did he ever drive when he'd been drinking?

JAJoel [as Angel]

Oh boy, I need my other scroll for that. That's a doozy.

[hesitant] Well, sir... he-

JJudge

Guardian! I want the whole. Truth.

SAServo [as Judge]

So help me, me!

Well sir, Joe did take a nip occasionally. He wasn't really what you'd call a drinker, just a cocktail now and then...

CACrow [as Angel]

Just a half-gallon now and then.

You know how the boys are, your honor.

JJudge

Yes, I know how the boys are...

JAJoel [as Judge]

And I know where the boys are.

JJudge

I have a book full of those "just a cocktail or two" drinkers.

SAServo [as Judge]

Jerks wouldn't let me in their club.

JJudge

Drivers and pedestrians too. Dead ones.

SAServo [as Judge]

Big ones.

JJudge

"Just a cocktail or two..."

JAJoel [as Judge]

Phooey!

JJudge

Any abnormal, physical, or mental condition due to drinking liquor...

CACrow [as Judge]

Is monotonous!

JJudge

...is intoxication in this state! A careless driver or pedestrian is usually pretty careless...

Wow, he's preachy...

JJudge

...regarding the other fellow's rights and safety, but as to his own safety and wellbeing, he's downright selfish!

CACrow [as Judge]

Pah!

JJudge

Now dilute that dangerous frame of mind, with "just a cocktail or two..."

Oh, okay! Thanks! I'll take a scotch.

JJudge

...and he even forgets about his own safety. That is one of the reasons why...

Is this gonna be on the final?

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