[In an ethereal office space, devilish Red and angelic Whitey make a wager on Joe, a bread salesman.]
Mike: They're operating under a different theology.

[In bed with Mitchell, Greta reaches out to return unopened beers to the bed stand, which also has a bottle of Johnson & Johnson's...]
Joel: Baby oil!
Joel, Crow, Servo: BLAAAARRRGGGHHH!
Servo: [vomiting noises]
Crow: Why would anybody wanna do this with Mitchell, Joel?
[In the soundtrack, Hoyt Axton continues to sing the theme song.]
Axton: My my my my Mitchell...
Crow: My my my MY GOD, NOOOOO!

[In Chicago's Lower Level, men dress Col. Connors and Dr. Brent in radiation suits.]
Crow [as Col. Connors]: [makes a fart noise] What? Oh. Uh... Pull the helmet off! Pull it off me!

[In Deep 13, "Jack Perkins" introduces the movie, then continues to ramble.]
Mike Nelson [as Jack Perkins]: Then, Joyce Carol Oates will be out to read from her wonderous new work of fiction, her�� first novel in well over a month. Then�� Peter, Paul, and Mary will be out to�� give us a wonderous rendition from one of the songs off their scintillating new album. Then Hume Cronyn [and] Jessica Tandy will be out to tell us�� some poignant stories of the joys and sorrows of being�� really, really�� horribly old.

[In Deep 13, the Mads exchange gifts.]
Dr. Forrester: Ohhh, Frank! What a lovely watchband! This must have set you back a pretty penny!
TV's Frank: Well, actually, I, eh�� didn't have any money, so I�� took the liberty of hocking your Rolex and�� to pay for that, heh heh��
Dr. Forrester: You�� hocked�� my�� Rolex.
TV's Frank: Yah��
Dr. Forrester: Well, it's the thought that counts. Open your gift.
TV's Frank: Oh, boy! I bet it's a book! I bet it's a book!
Dr. Forrester: Yes, it is a book, Frank. It's�� it's called Final Exit. I've been stealing your plasma at night so I didn't have to spend any of my own money.
TV's Frank: Heh heh. Oh, Henry! [N]

[In Diabolik's lair, the black-leather-clad antihero and Eva, still in their car, move in for another lip-lock.]
Servo [as Diabolik]: Let's have a tantric quickie.
Mike [as Eva]: Mmm�� mmm�� oh, you smell like a tire store.
Servo: This is just a good samaritan he met in the tunnel.
Crow: Heh! She's a great samaritan!
Servo [as Diabolik]: You don't mind if I swallow your face, do you?

[In flashbacks to "Fugitive Alien", the scene jumps abruptly from Rita's death to Ken eagerly waving for pickup by the Bacchus 3.]
Ken: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Joel [as Ken]: Ha ha! My chick's dead! Hey!

[In her dream, the woman emerges from behind a pillar, prancing in a sporty blouse and short skirt, waving a tennis racket.]
Crow: Aaah! It's a salute to Mr. B Natural!
Servo: Oh, no, no, no!
[She dances back to the pillar, then emerges in tartan trousers, energetically twirling a golf club.]
Mike: This would be the "up" part of her manic mood swings, I'm guessing.
Crow: Oh-ho-ho...
Servo: Man, it is gonna take her forever to write this dream down.
[She goes behind the pillar again and emerges this time in a pink bathing suit and straw sun hat.]
. . .
Mike: I wonder what Freud would make of that sun hat!
Crow: Well, sometimes a sun hat is just a sun hat.

[In his car, Dr. Phil Brewer tries to talk Cynthia out of marrying her fiancé.]
Phil: And you choose to make a life with Ken?
Cynthia: Yes! He loves me, I know he does, and�� and we can have a good life together! Anyway, we�� have as good as chance as most married people.
Joel [as Cynthia]: Sure, Ken's not anatomically correct, but��
Crash of the Moons (movie)

[In his mansion, Kobras waxes eloquent about his world domination plans.]
Kobras: When the world is mine, I alone will decide whether it is to be war or peace! Life or death!
Servo [as Kobras]: Stuffing or potatoes!

[In Jody's 19th-century dream, a mob of townspeople gathers with torches and pitchforks, chanting "Burn the witch!"]
Mike [as townsfolk]: Oh, and "go Packers" too, but mostly burn the witch.
. . .
[Father Strickland is reading from the Bible (Job) to his family.]
Strickland: "The wicked man travaileth with pain all his days..."
Servo [as Strickland]: ...said Madeleine.
Strickland: "...and the number of years is hidden to the oppressor..."
Crow [as Strickland]: Tsch. Bunch of crap.
Strickland: "A dreadful sound is in his ears."
Mike [as Strickland]: It's Paula Cole, I think.
Strickland: "In prosperity, the destroyer shall come upon him."
[Strickland sees Lucinda fidgeting.]
Strickland: What is it, child?
Young Lucinda: I thought I heard something.
Strickland: Pay attention to the word of God.
Servo [as Strickland]: For He loves you, and He may KILL you if you don't.
Strickland: "Yea..."
Crow [as Strickland]: "...team!"
Strickland: "...the light of the wicked shall be put out..."
Mike [as Strickland]: "...by ten-thirty��"
Strickland: "...and the spark of his fire shall not shine."
Servo [as Daughter]: Just take the old-fashioned photo, Dad!
. . .
[The mob of townspeople approaches the house, still chanting "Burn the witch!"]
Mrs. Strickland: What is it, David?
Crow: It's people saying "Burn the witch". Are you deaf?
Young Melissa: Papa, what is it?
Crow: [irritated] People saying "Burn the witch"! Do you have any deductive powers at all?

[In Malta, Geronimo and Palermo's taxi races down the road as Palermo's allies attack from their own sedan.]
Mike [as Announcer]: Cars provided by Matchbox.

[In Malta, Geronimo confronts three henchman in a classic spaghetti-Western showdown.]
Servo: The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.

[In one host segment, Crow convinces the others to dress in Blaxploitation-esque outfits.]
Crow: I'm telling you, Mike! "Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk" is going to be boffo box office!

[In response to a corral that suddenly appears]
Tom: How did that corral get there?
Crow: They used CorelDraw.