[stinger; Bobo lies on the floor of the Camping Planet, in pain from the crash landing]
BBobo
[weakly] Ow; my spine. Ow...
S8The She-Creature
S8I Was a Teenage Werewolf
[As Michael Landon's name appears in the opening credits]
[singing to the Bonanza theme] We got a film, and it's starring Michael Landon...
[A crowd of "teens" watch the fight]
And the 35-year-old high school students look on.
[Tony, played by Michael Landon, has just punched someone. His friends look on in shock]
MAMike [as Tony]
But I thought I had a right to pick a little fight, Bonanza.
[Tony takes Arlene home in his sweet ride of a 1950s convertible.]
CCrow
If I were a bug, I'd be proud to smash into that grill. Yep.
[Leaving the party, first victim Frank walks home through the woods.]
MAMike [as Frank]
[muttering] "I'm okay. I don't need a ride." What was I thinking? It's like 47 miles!
CACrow [as Frank]
I'm probably pretty tasty and well-marbled--not something I've often thought of.
. . .
I was a Teenage Werewolf Snack.
[Tony has finished yelling at Arlene for asking an innocent question]
MAMike [as Arlene]
...and I like you because...?
TTony
I'm sorry, Arlene. I don't know why I act like this.
CACrow [as Arlene]
Because you're a jerk?
CCrow
Does just walking through it make you want to kill yourself? Then it's a high school!
[The werewolf approaches a high school gymnast as she practices.]
CCrow
Time for your compulsory Being-Eaten routine!
. . .
[The dark-haired gymnast screams in terror.]
CCrow
Judy Garland runs out of pills.
[The werewolf prowls the woods during an amazingly bright night.]
Well, they couldn't shoot at night because the night belongs to Michelob.
I thought the night belonged to love.
Yeah, it did, but it was bought out by Michelob.
S8The Giant Spider Invasion
[First lines of the movie]
MMan
Sheriff!
SPSheriff [Played by Alan Hale, Jr.]
Hey, little buddy!
[Mike and the 'bots cheer]
[Dan walks out of his "lady friend" Olga's house before she stops him.]
OOlga
Wait, you forgot your back brace.
[Mike and the 'bots all react with utter revulsion as Kester drops his pants, exposing red long underwear.]
Ugh, he's pink!
I don't know how, but I think I just became sterile!
CCrow
[cheering] Go spiders! Go spiders! Go go spiders!
[Ev and Dan struggle in the wind from a meteorite strike on their land.]
SAServo [as Dan]
Why, I hope that bomb didn't land on our pile of tires and our busted refrigerator in the yard, and the rusted chassis of our '68 Impala!
. . .
DDan
What the [expletive deleted] hell was that?
MAMike [as Dan]
Why, it's befuddlin' mah dumb cracker mind!
SMServo, Mike, or Crow[As various people in the mob]
Packers!
[After seeing Dan's car, with its Ford lettering facing the camera.]
CCrow
Like a Rock! [N]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.