[Tony seeks information from girlfriend Jane, who's wearing a black-leather catsuit with matching WWI-vintage strap-on pilot's headgear.]
Jane: I'm conditioned to keep the secret, just like everyone. I can't do it.
Tony: Try! Fight him! Fight him with your will!
Mike [as Jane]: But my will won't!
Jane: I-- I-- I can't! He's commanding me from a distance.
Servo: Amelia Airhead.

[Tony takes Arlene home in his sweet ride of a 1950s convertible.]
Crow: If I were a bug, I'd be proud to smash into that grill. Yep.

[Tony, played by Michael Landon, has just punched someone. His friends look on in shock]
Mike [as Tony]: But I thought I had a right to pick a little fight, Bonanza.

[Torgo, whose thighs and knees appear to be hugely swollen, shambles unevenly to fetch luggage.]
Joel: Ah�� that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.
Crow: Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?
. . .
Servo: Like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop.

[Towards the end of the movie, the titular dinosaurs finally appear and go on a confusing sort-of-a-rampage.]
Joel: It made more sense before there were any dinosaurs. I'm starting to miss that part of the movie.
Season 1

[Towards the end of the short, which has mostly consisted just of shots of people farming...]
Joel: Wait a minute, has anybody seen a truck yet?
I Accuse My Parents (movie)

[Townspeople are singing "Amazing Grace", the second time it's been used in the film.]
Servo: [singing along] "This song is in/ the public domain/ that's why we used it twice."

[Trainer Miss Abbott is working with a chimp named Neil.]
Miss Abbott: Now, turn around, Neil. Turn around. Turn around. Sit down. All -- right.
Servo [as Miss Abbott]: And... evolve.

[Trapped in the giant "web", a heavyset, dark curly-haired man is attacked by the spider.]
Joel: No, Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him!
Servo: Wow.
Crow [as Dr. Erhardt]: Enjoy! [N]

[Trash escapes from his parents' apartment only to be almost blown up in a stairwell.]
Crow [as Trash]: D'oh, the Bronx is something which I should have left!

[Trees in the background begin to tremble ominously]
Servo: AAAH! The tree's having a seizure!

[Troy enters his attic.]
Mike: Oh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
Crow [as Troy]: This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Servo: Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
Mike [as Troy]: I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
Servo [as Troy]: Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
Crow [as Troy]: Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
Mike: Larry Czonka!
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
Servo [as Troy]: Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
Crow [as Troy]: I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.

[Troy outruns the cultists' van on his bike.]
Mike [as Cultist]: Damn you, Pee-Wee!

[Troy Tempest pilots the Stingray into a crater in the inkiest depths of the ocean bottom.]
Crow: That's very well lit for the bottom of a crater of an abandoned volcano at the bottom of the sea.

[Truckers Sam and "Buffalo Bill" attempt a dangerous tandem braking maneuver.]
Sam: Alrighty, I'm coming up on your mudflaps at 67.
Crow: "Coming up on your mudflaps." People have such cute names for sex.
Mike [as Sam]: Ma' well-oiled chassis is comin' up on yer backside, now.
Servo [as Sam]: My rigid grill structure is bearin' down on yer unprotected cargo door.
Crow [as Sam]: My oft-complimented Peterbilt is rhythmically nudging that sweet honey pot of yours--
Mike, Servo: Ugh-- Crow!
. . .
[Sam and Buffalo Bill have completed the maneuver and are easing into a town.]
Mike [as Sam]: Drained and satisfied, I'm tracin' lazy circles on yer' supercab now.
Crow: You said I was bad.
Mike: You inspired me.