Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Truman is talking to Lauren.]
Truman: Would you wanna--
Mike [as Lauren]: No.
Truman: Maybe possibly--
Mike [as Lauren]: No!
Truman: Sometime--
Mike [as Lauren]: No!
Truman: Go out for some pizza or something, like�� Friday?
Mike [as Lauren]: Well, oka-- no!
Lauren: Yeah�� I can't.
Truman: Saturday?
Lauren: I can't.
Truman: Sunday-Monday-Tuesday?
[She scrbbles "NOW" on a notepad.]
Servo [as Lauren]: N-O! Th-the W is silent.
Saving Private Ryan
Truman: Would you wanna--
Mike [as Lauren]: No.
Truman: Maybe possibly--
Mike [as Lauren]: No!
Truman: Sometime--
Mike [as Lauren]: No!
Truman: Go out for some pizza or something, like�� Friday?
Mike [as Lauren]: Well, oka-- no!
Lauren: Yeah�� I can't.
Truman: Saturday?
Lauren: I can't.
Truman: Sunday-Monday-Tuesday?
[She scrbbles "NOW" on a notepad.]
Servo [as Lauren]: N-O! Th-the W is silent.
Saving Private Ryan
[Twenty minutes into the movie, and nothing important has happened. Billy is hanging around a gas station.]
Servo: So, let's recap the movie so far: somebody went to Acapulco, and somebody almost bought gas.
Servo: So, let's recap the movie so far: somebody went to Acapulco, and somebody almost bought gas.
[Two "scientists" are watching a "menacing" iguana T. rex.]
Dr. Bennett: Oh Ralph, what is it?!
Crow: [yelling] It's an iguana, now shut up!
Dr. Bennett: Oh Ralph, what is it?!
Crow: [yelling] It's an iguana, now shut up!
[Two bare-chested male clones are competing in Greco-Roman wrestling.]
Servo [as Guide]: This is not sanctioned, gentlemen. You are doing this on your own��
Servo [as Guide]: This is not sanctioned, gentlemen. You are doing this on your own��
[Two clowns swing around a pole crotch to crotch.]
Servo: Oh, no! No, no -- they're doing it clown-style! No!
[One clown sweeps the other's behind with a hand broom.]
Crow: Ah! And Madonna thinks she's innovative!
Joel: Oh, please tell me this isn't happening.
[They continue to complain as one clown hits the other's behind with a mallet.]
Crow [as Clown]: More, more, I'm a bad clown! Ha ha ha!
Servo [as Narrator]: Yes, children's windows of perception are opened for a second, only to take in the horror that is the circus.
Servo: Oh, no! No, no -- they're doing it clown-style! No!
[One clown sweeps the other's behind with a hand broom.]
Crow: Ah! And Madonna thinks she's innovative!
Joel: Oh, please tell me this isn't happening.
[They continue to complain as one clown hits the other's behind with a mallet.]
Crow [as Clown]: More, more, I'm a bad clown! Ha ha ha!
Servo [as Narrator]: Yes, children's windows of perception are opened for a second, only to take in the horror that is the circus.
[Two girls are feeding baby chicks.]
Mike [as girl]: How many are you sitting on?
Crow [as girl]: Dad went a little nuts this Easter.
Mike [as girl]: How many are you sitting on?
Crow [as girl]: Dad went a little nuts this Easter.
[Two men grapple on a rope bridge and tumble over the side.]
Servo: Oh no! It's a horrible drop into...
[They land in the water, about two feet below the bridge.]
Servo: Oh. Heh.
. . .
[More soldiers tumble off the bridge, continuing to fight in the river.]
Servo [as soldier]: Hey, this is fun! Whoopee!
Mike: And thus, synchronized swimming was invented!
Servo: Oh no! It's a horrible drop into...
[They land in the water, about two feet below the bridge.]
Servo: Oh. Heh.
. . .
[More soldiers tumble off the bridge, continuing to fight in the river.]
Servo [as soldier]: Hey, this is fun! Whoopee!
Mike: And thus, synchronized swimming was invented!
[Two mountain climbers have just spied the corpse of another.]
Mountaineer: His head! ... It was torn off!
Servo: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Mountaineer: His head! ... It was torn off!
Servo: You say that like it's a bad thing.
[Two pink tutu'd skaters perform a synchronized skating routine to a light, cheery tune.]
Servo: [singing]
Servo: [singing]
[Two villains have shot Mila with a bow and arrow. Mila is able to run away, so they follow chase.]
Servo [as one of the villains]: You idiot, we don't even have a doe license!
Servo [as one of the villains]: You idiot, we don't even have a doe license!
[Two young boys stand at a mailbox, mailing their letters to Santa Claus.]
Mike [as boy]: I'm tellin' ya, Pepe, these Comedy Central contests are a waste of time!
Mike [as boy]: I'm tellin' ya, Pepe, these Comedy Central contests are a waste of time!
[Two young Native American boys practice archery, while stereotypical "Indian" music plays on the soundtrack.]
Mike [as Boy]: Thanks for the stereotype music!
Mike [as Boy]: Thanks for the stereotype music!
[U.S. spy John Manston debriefs his lovely Soviet contact, Tanya.]
Manston: Hard to believe that a group of civilized men could sit around and calmly discuss how to murder five or six million others.
Joel [as Manston]: That's why we've got to crush them!
Manston: Hard to believe that a group of civilized men could sit around and calmly discuss how to murder five or six million others.
Joel [as Manston]: That's why we've got to crush them!
[Ulysses shoots down a quail.]
Joel [as Announcer]: Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this movie.
Joel [as Announcer]: Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this movie.
[Ulysses, wild over Hercules' recovery, chases after scantily clad servant girls.]
Crow [as Ulysses]: I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Servo: When Kennedys ruled Greece.
Crow [as Ulysses]: I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Servo: When Kennedys ruled Greece.