Catalina quotes from My Name Is Earl

Catalina

I will jump for you, Earl, but I will not jump for Joy.

Catalina

This is the sweetest, most justified kidnapping I've ever seen.

Randy

How many have you seen?

Catalina

About five or so.

Catalina

What exactly is a county fair ?

Randy

It's like Disneyland for poor people. They got a Ferris wheel, bumper boats, bands you thought were dead... Last year, they had the world tallest midget. He was as tall as you Earl, remember ?

I think that might have been a scam, Randy.

Randy

I don't know. That was one tall midget.

Randy

You know, feliz nobby blah.

Catalina

That means nothing.

Randy

To you, maybe, but in American, that means "Christmas" in Mexican.

Joy

You don't want to injure your toilet-scrubbing hand.

Catalina

Quiero agradecer a todo el publico Latino que nos acompaña cada semana. Y para los que no son Latinos, les felicito por aprender otro idioma. [I want to thank all the Latino audience that joins us every week. And for those that are not Latino, congratulations to them for learning another language.]

Joy

Sorry sweetheart, I don't speak "maid".

[After Earl tries to persuade Catalina to make out with him to cheer him up] No, it's OK, there's already a girl I'm in love with. She's hot.

Catalina

I'm hot.

You're OK, but compared to her you're like those things in Lord of the Rings that grow out of the ground covered in slime and attack the castle.

Randy

Ewoks, those are called Ewoks.

Randy

So, Catalina, what are you doing for your mother on Mother's Day?

Catalina

My mother is dead.

Randy

Oh, I'm sorry.

Catalina

Eh, it's okay. It was either her or me.

What is the problem here, ladies?

Catalina

The problem is, officer, that this perra stole my regular!

Alright, alright! Now let's hear Perra's side of the story.

He's my regular now! You weren't around! A man's got needs, and I got everything he needs [smacks butt] right here, okay?!

What's your side of the story, sir?

I don't know why they're fighting! They have both sat on my lap, they are both now my wives.

Sir, just because a girl sits on your lap doesn't mean you're married to her!

Catalina

You shouldn't even sit on a man's lap; you'll break his legs.

[Looks confused]

Catalina

I'm calling you fat.

Oh, you should not have explained that!

Wives, wives! I have enough seed for both of you. The skinny one, I will lay with you for pleasure. The thick one, you will birth my sons.

Catalina

See? He called you thick!

Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on! Let's see where this goes.

[V/O] Gentlemen, there is a catfight at the pool table!

Randy

I already had her... not great.

Catalina

Not me, jerk, the car!