Joy quotes from My Name Is Earl

Joy

She can't knock my teeth out! I'm going to be the first person in my family to get to 30 with all her originals.

Joy

As you can see I have a black son and a white son, but I don't see race so I can't tell which is which.

Joy

...and third, you don't look this good without the Lord on your side!

Joy

I swear, sometimes it's like I married Jesus's nicer brother.

Joy

You don't want to injure your toilet-scrubbing hand.

Catalina

Quiero agradecer a todo el publico Latino que nos acompaña cada semana. Y para los que no son Latinos, les felicito por aprender otro idioma. [I want to thank all the Latino audience that joins us every week. And for those that are not Latino, congratulations to them for learning another language.]

Joy

Sorry sweetheart, I don't speak "maid".

Where is everybody, we've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul.

Donny

Maybe they're hiding.

Randy

Marco? Polo!

Joy

Were not in the damn pool, you idiot! Olly olly oxen free!

Joy

Patty, you really got to stop biting your nails.

Patty

Don't tell me. Tell the mayor. [whispering] He's a nibbler.

Joy

Look Earl, you can't teach her how to talk. I got kids to feed.

These are good people, Joy. I mean they have the right to learn whatever they want.

Joy

No they don't ! There's nothing in the Bible that says people have the right to learn stuff. I have read it !

Joy

What the hell are you doing?

Darnell

Throwing you a surprise party.

Joy

My birthday's not till next week!

Darnell

That's the surprise.

Joy Turner.

Joy

[stands up] Yes, your highness?

Joy

Dammit, more cops? Y'all don't quit picking on me, I swear I'm gonna go Ruby Ridge... Earl! What the hell are you doing?

You said you wanted a date night, didn't ya? Well, your chariot awaits.

Joy

You stole me a police car?

Yep. There's a hostage in the back too. If you say something scary, he'll show you pictures of his kids. They're cute.

Joy

I love you so much, baby. I am gonna *beep* your *beep* *beep* with my sweet sweet sweet love *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*.

Shhhh... you had me at balls.

Joy

Hey, crank up the radio! Find me some Wu-Tang Clan.

Since when do you like rap music?

Joy

I'm not cheating on you!

Joy

I have never been 0 for 2 in one night. 2 for 3, but never 0 for 2... Randy, do you know where babies come from?

Randy

Yeah. From the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt.

Joy, was that the Halloween party where Fat Steve dressed up like the Kool-Aid guy and broke his nose trying to run through the wall? I wore a skeleton costume to that party.

Joy

What? Earl, did you do me?

If anything, you did me. I was drunk. I don't remember anything after Fat Steve going through the wall.

Joy

Sweet Jesus!

I know! I'm Dodge's father!

Joy

That explains why Dodge's moustache is starting to come in already.

Darnell

[reading the DNA results] We've got another problem.

What?

Darnell

These three DNAs match. That means it's you and the boys, which makes this one mine and it doesn't match any of those.

Joy

What does that mean?

Darnell

It means I'm not Earl Junior's father.

Joy

Now, everybody just calm down.