Darnell quotes from My Name Is Earl

Darnell

You know how they say "take a chill pill?" Joy did.

Come on, Crabman, you know how she is! You can't be that surprised! [is punched by Darnell] It's not like this is the first time it's ever happened. We used to do it all the time! [is punched again] Come on, Crabman, I didn't get mad when you slept with her! [is punched and knocked to the floor]

Darnell

You take that back! I've never had sexual relations with my moms!

Randy

[singing] We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop...

Darnell

Randy, those aren't helium balloons.

Joy

What the hell are you doing?

Darnell

Throwing you a surprise party.

Joy

My birthday's not till next week!

Darnell

That's the surprise.

Randy

Nerf sidewalks.

Darnell

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Joy, was that the Halloween party where Fat Steve dressed up like the Kool-Aid guy and broke his nose trying to run through the wall? I wore a skeleton costume to that party.

Joy

What? Earl, did you do me?

If anything, you did me. I was drunk. I don't remember anything after Fat Steve going through the wall.

Joy

Sweet Jesus!

I know! I'm Dodge's father!

Joy

That explains why Dodge's moustache is starting to come in already.

Darnell

[reading the DNA results] We've got another problem.

What?

Darnell

These three DNAs match. That means it's you and the boys, which makes this one mine and it doesn't match any of those.

Joy

What does that mean?

Darnell

It means I'm not Earl Junior's father.

Joy

Now, everybody just calm down.