Randy quotes from My Name Is Earl

Randy

So, Catalina, what are you doing for your mother on Mother's Day?

Catalina

My mother is dead.

Randy

Oh, I'm sorry.

Catalina

Eh, it's okay. It was either her or me.

Where is everybody, we've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul.

Donny

Maybe they're hiding.

Randy

Marco? Polo!

Joy

Were not in the damn pool, you idiot! Olly olly oxen free!

[shouting] They said they'll kill me if you don't give us pizza!

Randy

Hey, tell them we'll still kill you if it's not pepperoni.

Randy

Maybe we could get Stuart to be a hero by throwing him into that tank at the aquarium and make him wrestle an octopus.

That wouldn't make him a hero, Randy, unless the Octopus was committing a crime... We're not gonna start thinking of ways to get an octopus to commit a crime 'cuz that just has failure written all over it.

Randy

He threw my favorite food at me, Earl. What was I supposed to do?

Randy, baloney isn't your favorite food, animal crackers are.

Randy

No, they're my favorite food shaped like an animal. Do you even listen to me when we talk at night?

Randy

[singing] We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop...

Darnell

Randy, those aren't helium balloons.

Randy

[Throws down Earl's list] Fine, you do what you want.

[Bending down to pick up the list] I'm sorry Randy, I just think there's a better way to--

[squeaks] Son of a bitch, how did I not see that coming?

Randy

Nerf sidewalks.

Darnell

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Joy

I have never been 0 for 2 in one night. 2 for 3, but never 0 for 2... Randy, do you know where babies come from?

Randy

Yeah. From the bottom of that fuzzy lightning bolt.

We could walk round the mall and no one would stare, but now they will. I'm a clown, Randy. I'm a damn clown.

Randy

But people like clowns. Hey, wait a second, if we all paint our faces up to look like clowns all the time then no one would know that Earl Jr. wasn't yours. Can we, Earl? Can we paint our faces like clowns?

Randy, we're not painting our faces like clowns. People'd still stare, and when it rains we'd be screwed.

So you actually know Tim Stack? [Randy nods] Wow, he's funny. I'd like to kidnap him, spend some time with him and maybe set him on fire.

Randy

Yeah, he would be funny on fire.

Randy

Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire.

Set him on fire watch him burn to death.

Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire, set him on fire watch him burn to death, Tim Stack, Tim Stack, set him on fire!

[narrating] Lucky for me, Randy had a degree in joysticks from the University of Pacman.

Randy

Wacca wacca wacca wacca.

Randy

I already had her... not great.

Catalina

Not me, jerk, the car!