The motto on your family crest should read: "Mediocrity or Death".
Well, it's better than "For a Good Time, Call"!
S2Tis a Pity She's a Whore
S2The Last Supper
Coffee. To make you feel at home, Scott, yours has been stewed, reheated and served in a plastic cup.
SScott
No coffee for me. I feel sick. Your wife has triggered my acid reflux.
I know, I know. Isn't she marvellous?
RReverend
You can't argue someone to death.
Yes you can.
RReverend
No you can't.
Well, that's your opinion.
RReverend
Yes it is.
Well you're wrong.
RReverend
(exhausted) In God's eyes, you're not guilty.
Oh, what does He know?
S2Ben Wants to be a Millionaire
I get to set my own hours, get to work from home, and talk about job satisfaction!
What exactly is this new job?
Sperm donor.
S3Absent Vixen, Cheeky Monkey
Dad, now Janey's going, can I have a pay rise?
Who'd have thought it, eh? Our little girl flying the nest. Before you know it, Michael will be gone too. Then it will just be the three of us, the way it was meant to be.
S3Desperately Squeaking Susan
"Tesco's out of Brie, so gn to Paris."
"Gn?"
"Prices 2 high, so gn to Nice for chse."
Mm-hmm.
"Don't worry about money. I have Dad's bnk card." Any reply?
Yep, yep.
"Dr Nk, u r f'd."
S3Of Mice and Ben
I am not having people witness my life. It's bad enough that I have to see it.
(on camera) I know you might not want to use this in your little film, but I just want to put the record straight...she asked me to marry her.
Who?
You know. Our guest. The one who eats all our food and is always bothering us?
Oh, Abi.
No, the hairy one.
Nick.
S3Imperfect Strangers
(under her breath) You're late.
(under his breath) How do you know? You've not met me yet.
You don't understand. I don't want to!
RRaymond
Ah, but your eyes say "Yes".
Yours will be saying "Ow" in a minute.
S3The Second Greatest Story Ever Told
Your line sounds dated.
DDirector
Well, it is set two thousand years ago!
So is Jesus Christ Superstar, but it didn't stop Lloyd Webber from adding guitars!
DDirector
For the fifth time, you're not going to sing!
S3Waiting to Inhale
I'm going to confront him with this and give him a piece of my mind!
I think you've lost enough of it already...which means: let me talk to him.
You?!
Yeah. Let's at least let him grow some goolies before you lop 'em off.
I'm going to be a Tory Prime Minister. I don't need any hippy baggage in my past.
So what were you doing at that girl's house, then?
I didn't go for illicit drugs; I went for illicit sex.
You are a Tory!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.