[identifying who has called her, crying] Oh, Doreen. My yoga teacher, poor thing. While she was becoming one with the universe, her husband was becoming one with an accounts manager from Croydon.
S1Much Ado about Ben
S1 E11A Night Out
KKenzo
(Quoting his granddad) Oh Shut up...You're running the ambience
S2All Roads Lead to Ramon
She'll grow out of it.
I should hope so.
I did.
I should bloody hope so.
Here we have a typical English home, the family seat of the Harper dynasty. And here we have a typical English man. Hey, Dad! As you can see he's taken the day off to slob around in his dressing gown. There's the telly and there's his banana sandwich. Some of you may be interested to know that he's just had a big falling out with his daughter, after he called her a prostitute.
S2The Unkindest Cut
Well, at least that proves there is a God...and He hates me!
PPatient
We're all ready for our little bundle of joy!
Bundle of joy. You two haven't a clue what you're talking about, have you?
S2Parisian Beauty
For little girls get bigger every day...
Grow up then.
S2Trust Never Sleeps
(To Susan) Come on, don't fight it. This could be your only chance to find out what your kids get up to when you're not there. What's the harm in one little look? You know you want to...
S2Death and Ben Take a Holiday
I was expecting someone else.
So was I, but your mother swears you're ours.
S2Driving Miss Crazy
I mean, if I popped my clogs, would you replace me with a pet?
No pet could replace you. Except perhaps a bad-tempered ferret.
What a splendid family. I've got a daughter who thinks I'm a joke, a son who thinks I'm demented, a wife who doesn't support me and a...(looks at Nick) pillock.
Look on the bright side, Dad. At least it took your mind off Mr Casey.
Oh, yes. Mr Casey! Mr Casey! (exit)
(looks at Nick) You pillock!
S2The Age of Romance
Dad, have you seen the car keys lately?
No.
(holds up the keys and jingles them in his face) Well, take a good look. I won't be back till late!
Don't even bother to try and make love to me tonight!
...You're not gonna bother, are you?
S2Get Cartier
Don't eat that! You'll ruin your dinner.
I thought that was your job.
No, my job is to ruin your life.
S2Tis a Pity She's a Whore
I went to see her last time she was dying.
I'll go next time.
And what happens if she really is dying?
(grins) Then I win!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.