My Family · Season 1
Nick is chatting online to a girl who, in Janey's opinion, sounds too good to be true
She's French, she's called Isabelle, she's a swimwear model, and her father's the chairman of a major electronics business.
Does the phrase "pull the other one" mean anything to you?
(grins) Ah, you think she's got a sister?
Ben notices a repair in one of Susan's teeth
You've been seeing another dentist!
Ben is trying to encourage Michael to stand up to the school bully
Come on! Scare me! Try and put me down!
You're losing your hair, you're getting turkey neck, and the only reason you're a dentist is you failed to get into medical school!
If you had been a more organised person, maybe you could've been a doctor by now!
If you'd have been five inches taller, blonde, with long legs, you could've been a doctor's wife by now!
Dad, I'm not a vir...er...y naive person!
[first lines]
Dad, I'm just curious. Are you planning to forget again this year?
Ah. A riddle. I love a riddle. Let's see, the answer is: I don't know what you're talking about so go away.
Mum's birthday.
Oh my God, not again.
Those old people are swingers.
Swingers? As in Glenn Miller, or as in Glenn Miller, his wife and the rest of his band?
The new alarm system is causing too many problems
They say it's there for our protection.
Protection from what? I've almost broken my bloody neck on the staircase, I've got a son who's deaf, I've got a son in a coma, and a daughter as ugly as sin!
The phone rings in the surgery and Ben answers it. It's Nick, and there are muffled sounds from the other end of the line:
Yes, Nick...
There is a short pause for more muffled sounds:
Even if I had a thong, I wouldn't let you borrow it... No, your mother hasn't got one either.
In the night, Ben and Susan hear a noise from downstairs and Susan sends him down to inspect:
(as he enters the kitchen) Janey? Micheal? Nick?
Dave.
(spins around) Dave? We haven't got a Dave who are you?
The next morning where everyone except Dave is downstairs:
Nick, would you like to tell me what the hell 'Dave' is doing in our house?
Oh yeah, Dad. You know how you told me I needed a new job, well guess what! I'm a landlord!
Susan complains about how people are forced to lock up their true emotions
Susan, I'm a dentist. I spend all day listening to how people really feel, and it's usually "Ouch!" and after a long day of "Ouch!", I like to come home to a bit of "Aah..."
(talking to Michael about death) When I was younger, I thought people died because life was unfair. Then you and your brother and sister were born, and I realised life really was unfair. And expensive.
Now, my dad... my dad loved to give advice. And I was going out with this girl and I remember he said... he said, "Ben, no matter how beautiful you think she is and no matter how much you're in love with her or perfect she is - if she eats a dodgy piece of fish, she'll end up chucking her guts up like the rest of us!"
I wish I was dead!
Janey! How can you say that? "I wish I *were* dead." The subjunctive. Boys are more impressed by good grammar than tight jeans, you know.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
