Ben Harper quotes from My Family

Ben

You've been seeing another dentist!

Ben

Yes, Nick...

Ben

Even if I had a thong, I wouldn't let you borrow it... No, your mother hasn't got one either.

Ben

Susan, I'm a dentist. I spend all day listening to how people really feel, and it's usually "Ouch!" and after a long day of "Ouch!", I like to come home to a bit of "Aah..."

Ben

(talking to Michael about death) When I was younger, I thought people died because life was unfair. Then you and your brother and sister were born, and I realised life really was unfair. And expensive.

Ben

Now, my dad... my dad loved to give advice. And I was going out with this girl and I remember he said... he said, "Ben, no matter how beautiful you think she is and no matter how much you're in love with her or perfect she is - if she eats a dodgy piece of fish, she'll end up chucking her guts up like the rest of us!"

Ben

Well, at least that proves there is a God...and He hates me!

Ben

(To Susan) Come on, don't fight it. This could be your only chance to find out what your kids get up to when you're not there. What's the harm in one little look? You know you want to...

Ben

Don't even bother to try and make love to me tonight!

Ben

...You're not gonna bother, are you?

Ben

I am not having people witness my life. It's bad enough that I have to see it.

Ben

(on camera) I know you might not want to use this in your little film, but I just want to put the record straight...she asked me to marry her.

Ben

(to Abi) You, you're unhinged! (to Michael) You, you're demented! (to Nick) You, you're just... you!

Ben

Susan, admit it. All these years, you have been screwing up the kids. It's me, I've been the perfect parent.

Ben

Come on! Scare me! Try and put me down!

Michael

You're losing your hair, you're getting turkey neck, and the only reason you're a dentist is you failed to get into medical school!

Susan

If you had been a more organised person, maybe you could've been a doctor by now!

Ben

If you'd have been five inches taller, blonde, with long legs, you could've been a doctor's wife by now!

Janey

Dad, I'm just curious. Are you planning to forget again this year?

Ben

Ah. A riddle. I love a riddle. Let's see, the answer is: I don't know what you're talking about so go away.

Janey

Mum's birthday.

Ben

Oh my God, not again.