Michael quotes from My Family

Michael

I've got the training, I've got the equipment, all I need now is the collapse of western civilization.

Ben

Come on! Scare me! Try and put me down!

Michael

You're losing your hair, you're getting turkey neck, and the only reason you're a dentist is you failed to get into medical school!

Michael

I went to see her last time she was dying.

Nick

I'll go next time.

Janey

And what happens if she really is dying?

Nick

(grins) Then I win!

Michael

"Tesco's out of Brie, so gn to Paris."

Ben

"Gn?"

Michael

"Prices 2 high, so gn to Nice for chse."

Ben

Mm-hmm.

Michael

"Don't worry about money. I have Dad's bnk card." Any reply?

Ben

Yep, yep.

Ben

"Dr Nk, u r f'd."

Michael

I'm going to be a Tory Prime Minister. I don't need any hippy baggage in my past.

Ben

So what were you doing at that girl's house, then?

Michael

I didn't go for illicit drugs; I went for illicit sex.

Ben

You are a Tory!

Michael

There might be some burnt cheese stuck to the lid. You snooze, you lose.

Ben

No, I win! (holds up bag) Yes, it's Chinese Takeaway time! Oh yes! Oh, look at this! Chicken with cashew nuts, spring rolls, capital spare ribs. My favourite. And it's followed closely by the ever-loved rice. It's alright, Michael; you can lick the lids.

Michael

You mean to say you got takeaway and you didn't even consult your kids.

Ben

(smiling broadly) Yeah.

Abi

Don't you feel guilty?

Ben

(still smiling) No.

Ben

(cringing) It's the thought that counts.

Michael

Shame it's such a horrible thought.

Nick

Nice tie!

Ben

Hey, you're not allowed in pubs.

Michael

I am if I have a plated meal in a clearly designated restaurant area.

Nick

(pulling a container from the refrigerator) Is this lasagne or fish?

Michael

What's it smell like?

Nick

Fish.

Michael

Then it's lasagne.

Janey

I think it should be me, because I'm not tragic like you two, and I already have a friend to take: Kenzo.

Michael

That's the only way you can get friends; by giving birth to them?