“Mr. Monk Goes to the Bank” · Season 6
In this episode: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (2), Natalie Teeger (2), Adrian Monk (1), Lt. Disher (1)
[Monk is sitting on the floor in a locked bank vault]
I'm gonna die, right here.
No, you are not!
You're right. [Stands up and points] I'm gonna die over here. I call this spot. The rest of you can die over there.
That's it. Monk is no longer the morale officer.
[Spots Randy, who has frozen still as he practices to become a Living Statue] Randy? What are you doing? [No response] Hello? Are you all right? [She walks in a circle around him, but he is still frozen] Oh, my gosh... tickle, tickle, tickle! [Tickles Randy hoping that he will react] All right... [starts to walk away, then turns back and jumps off the floor and onto Randy's shoulder. He still doesn't move] I'm gonna take these two pencils, and I'm gonna stick them up your nose. [Puts one in one nostril] Pencil number one. [Puts one in the other nostril] Pencil number two. [Still no response from Randy, who now looks like a frozen walrus with pencil tusks] Our tax dollars at work.
[Disher tries to question a Living Statue performer with no success]
Excuse me. Lieutenant Disher, SFPD. You've got a pretty good view of the bank from here. We're investigating a robbery that took place earlier this morning. [The Living Statue doesn't hear him] Sir? [Pause] Sir, this is official police business. It will just take a minute. [Takes out his badge and flashes it] If you're not too busy. [Pause] Okay, I know you can hear me. Look, I just saw you blink. You blinked. [Randy tries to startle the performer in hope that he will react; the performer doesn't move a muscle] Oh I get it! [He waves a dollar bill in front of the performer, and then drops the bill into the performer's collection box] Normally, we don't pay for information! So, what time did you arrive at the park this morning, sir? [Still no response] OK, you know what, pal? I can get a crane here in 20 minutes, lift you up and drag you downtown.
[The Living Statue's alarm goes off, and he steps off his pedestal, indicating that it's his break time]
Living Statue; It's my break, man.
Well, thank you. That's more like it.
[Groans] This is my job! I mean, how would you like it if I came to your office and [Screams and waves his hand in front of Randy's face] in your face, huh? [Yells in anger again] Was I here? Yes, I was here. I've been here all day. I'm here every morning. Even Sundays.
Good. Did you see anything unusual at around 9:00?
Yeah. I, I saw a guy. About 5' 10", green hoodie. He was hanging out, pacin' around. Looked kinda nervous, and then, he went inside.
Good. Did you see his face?
He had his hood up. Sorry.
Okay. Hood up. And then what happened?
Oh, about 10 minutes later, the alarm went off. And I saw...
[His break alarm goes off, signalling the end of his break. He steps back up on his pedestal and freezes in place]
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? [No response. Disher laughs for a second] No...! (x7) Don't. Don't do that. [Pause] Hey, we're not done here. What did you see?
[Stottlemeyer talks to the bank employees]
Where do I start?
Well the gunman came in at 9:05, let's start at 9:04.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
