Jess, Abbey and others in “Unfinished Business”

I'm not giving him back. I'm keeping him. He's mine now.

You can't keep somebody else's baby.

What, you don't think I can look after it?

No, to be honest with you, not really.

Jess

Why would you even want another woman's baby?

[Turns around and screams] I don't know who I am! [Normally] When the storm happened, I lost my memory. I forgot everything. No-one's looking for me. I've got no-one.

Jess

What, are you like an orphan?

No. Well, I... I don't know. I don't... I don't think so. It's the first time I've felt really part of something. He needs me. I can love him and he can love me. I'm not giving him back.

D'oh... that's a very beautiful and, er... a very sad thing you just said there.

Anyway, I'm fuckin' starving and I'm eating for two, so I'm gonna go and get a Kit Kat

Alex

[Community servers come upon Alex on a bench] Thought I'd take you somewhere nice for lunch. Then I thought, "Nah, fuck that. Petrol station." [Hands Jess a sandwich]

[To Alex and Jess] You all right?

Look at 'em. The happy couple.

Just forget about her.

I'm stupid for even thinking I could compete with him. I mean, look at 'em. Perfect.

[To Finn] Fuck it, right. You... You, shut up, you forced this out of me. He is a man... with a fanny. Are you happy now?

What, he's got a fanny? What, he's a woman?

He's got both, like a worm?

Shit, I don't know how it works. It's storm-related, innit? All I know is where once there was a penis, there is now merely a vagina.

Are you sure about this?

Dude, honestly, Alex, sexy barman, he's got no dick.

[Laughs] Oh, my God. This is the greatest day of me life. I c- I could cry happy tears all over his little hairy man fanny. Yeah, listen, don't be saying anything, though, because apparently he's quite sensitive about the whole thing, you know what I mean?

Oh, he's sensitive, is he? Oh, dear. Yeah, well he might be good-looking, and he might have the girl, but he hasn't got a penis and, really, isn't that all that matters?

Well, yeah, there's that and the love of a good woman, really.

So, he hasn't got a dick and you have, but Jess would still rather be with him.

Great. Thanks for ruining the moment. [Walks awway]