McGee quotes from McGee and Me!

C'mon kid. Just go up there and rap on one of those windows, and we'll be heroes!

[lounging in a pan of water while Nick sweeps the porch] Uh, this is real good, us helping like this, yes-siree-Bob. Y'know it's like I always say—uhh, you missed a spot—what you sow, you shall sweep.

A valiant effort, earthlings. But that was only a three dimensional projection of my pod! Moo-hoo-ha-ha!

[watching Night of the Blood Freaks] The things I do for money.

That's wise man, not wise guy.

Somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright. The band is playing somewhere and somewhere hearts are light, and somewhere men are happy and somewhere children shout, but there is no joy in Eastfield; mighty Thurman has struck out!

[in voiceover] Personally, I'd like to lock old Rexie in a little room and throw away the room.

[After falling into the gravy boat] It's like I always say: "Into every bowl of gravy, a little turkey must fall".

[still sweeping while a racoon splashes McGee] McGee, why don't you do something to help?

[indicating the racoon] I'd love to, old bean, but the Lone Ranger here has offered to help me bathe.

[grinning] Sure, they always wash their food before they eat it.

Right-o, they always wash their [suddenly alarmed] FOOD?! [starts screaming]

It's like I always say: "If you think you're a hotshot, watch out for gameshows with choc-o-late."

[grinning] No, It's more like, "If you don't stop making jokes so bad, watch out for a slamming sketch pad".

[Brushing his teeth] Hello, Nick.

Go smell your socks.

Wound up a bit tight tonight, aren't we? Oh, I know. Look, kid, you watch movies like that long enough, and pretty soon they'll stick a sign on your head that says, "Dump site".

What are you, some kind of film critic or something?

Well, as a matter of fact--

You call that fun? Why don't you just stick your head in a garbage can or something?

'Cause then I'd have to room with you!

[After mom and dad hear the sound Nick opening the door while they're reading] Nicholas! Come in here! Did you go to the movies?

Yes, sir.

[sighs] Did you enjoy yourself?

[upset] No, it was awful.

Do you realize what you done?

Sit down, Nick. [Nick sits down] When your mother and I told you you couldn't go, it was for a purpose...

We were trying to protect you.

Your mind is the most important thing you have. That's why the Lord is very clear when he says "We have to be careful of what we put in it." Now whether you enjoy the movie or not is beside the point! Just by going to see it, you've put something in your mind to... to dirty it. To pollute it! It's bound to effect your life, it's garbage in, garbage out, Nicholas!

You've got scenes in your mind that you can never erase. You got pictures that... maybe with you for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too, son. I want you to go to your room and give this some thought. I'll be up in a little while to talk about your punishment.

Well, you might say "We did more than talk about my punishment." And with all the extra chores I got that week, I had plenty of time to think about the things Dad said.

[sighs] I need a break.

So, are we finished?

No, "We" are not finished, I still have to haul all these boxes from the garage to the attic.

Boy! The folks riding you kinda hard, aren't they?

It could be worse. I coulda have a decision with that stupid movie again.

[laughs]

I tell ya, McGee, I'm through with watching garbage like that.

[Nodding his head] Uh-huh!

But you gotta help me, that kinda stuff's all around.

Yep, it's tough making the right choices, but, it's like I've always told ya: The road to ruin is paved with crude inventions.

Ah, inventions. Like the time you told me to use Mom's vacuum cleaner to rake the leaves?

[awkwardly] It woulda worked if you hadn't hit the sprinkler.

Or how about the time you told me to cut the sleeves off my shirt so that Mom wouldn't see the tear? Or how many times you told me to eat that raw egg?

You know, his mind really is full of garbage.

So what am I supposed to do against Derrick and the Goon Platoon?

Do? You can call Goliath-breath out, that's what! One on one! Man to man! Mano-a-mano!

Victim to mugger.

First we're munchkins. Then we're melted. Now we're waitin' on a tornado! What's next? Flying monkeys?

Alright, the number for the banquet hall is...

...on the refrigerator.

...and the number for Dr. Walter's is...

...on the refrigerator.

And if anybody calls us, you tell them that we're...

On the refrigerator!