Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman · Season 1
Do you have faith?
Oh yes, Ma'am, I do.
Do you truly believe?
Oh, I truly believe, I do. I believe like I know my name's Loretta Haggers and I'm gonna be the biggest country/western star in the whole world!
And you truly have faith?
Oh yes, Ma'am, it's just … runnin' through me like a turned-on garden hose.
You're angry, aren't you?
Who the hell said I was angry? Who?
Well, a body can't be married to a man like Charlie for five months without wondering how the rest of his life turned out.
Oh! Well, I can answer that for you real quick: It turned out great. See, Charlie is happier than a hungry hog with a bowl o' slops. … I mean, we have what a lot of people call "the ideal marriage". We're just so plum in love that it's kinda sickening to some folks.
I saw a very sad episode on a soap opera today.
Oh, I saw it, too: The Horror of Our Days?
No, no. It was The Torment of Our Lives.
What channel is that on?
It's ABC.
Oh. That explains why I haven't seen it.
I'm, fine, Ma, I'm just fine. Tom went to work at the plant, I am here in the kitchen, and we said goodbye at the door.
But he was so upset, and you were so upset.
Ma, it is probably just the mineral wastes. You know? There is a lot of mineral waste in the water. You have to remember: these are the 1970s; we have to be thankful that we're just functioning.
I suppose.
You know what else I did? I did the dishes, I made my shopping list, I made my grocery list, I have Hamburger Helper, I have Tuna Helper, I have Helper Helper ….
But, Mary, do you really think they help? Because just look at you.
I'm not depressed, Ma. I managed to get out of bed, and I remembered that Loretta is about to be on TV. I mean, that, to me, is such a lift! I mean, that a neighbor of mine, a friend, has actually broken out of this rut!
Though he had to leave earlier in the show, I want to thank the wonderful Joe Namath for taking time out from his many knee injuries to model pantyhose for us today. Thank you so much, Joe! [Dinah kisses the air.] You are a dear. Now, where were we?
Well, Dinah, we was just mashin' the heck out of these sweet potatoes.
I want to talk to you.
About what?
The truth.
No! Don't do that! I don't want to hear the truth. It confuses me. What truth?
My sister hates me, my daughter ignores me, and … my mother bugs me, and my husband can't communicate with me, and I just—. Why? I mean, why is this happening to me? Why?
…
Because you're not honest with yourself.
… there are certain things we don't want anybody to know about! And you deliberately bring a stranger into the house? If he finds out, you can be damned sure the whole neighborhood is gonna know!
Are you through?
Yeah.
Well, you made a mistake.
About what?
You said we don't want anybody to know. Right?
That's right.
No, that isn't right: It's wrong. You don't want anybody to know. I don't give a damn who knows. I want the whole world to know! I'm sick and tired of living in a closet! I wanna start living like a human being.
I've just come from a wonderful theosophy meeting.
Theosophy? Oh, is that a religion?
Well, it's more a way of life.
Oh, really? 'Cause I'm very interested in ways of life.
Oh! Well, maybe you'd like to come to a meeting with me sometime.
Well, I would, but just not for a while yet, 'cause right now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong with my way of life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
