What does the IRS want with me?
VVinton
Maybe they're going to deliver a package.
That's UPS you dipstick!
Characters
ThelmaVicki Lawrence · 29 quotes
EEunice11 quotes
NaomiDorothy Lyman · 11 quotes
VVint8 quotes
EllenBetty White · 4 quotes
FFran3 quotes
Most scenes together: Thelma & Naomi (7), Thelma & Eunice (6), Thelma & Vint (5)
I tell you, there is a book in me!
MMama
And it's gonna stay in there, too!
You're going to set my hair with beer?
I'm going to set this hair on fire if you don't quiet down.
There's been a mistake, my mama's not running!
MMama
The hell I ain't!
Where in blue blazes have you been?
(sarcastically) Just fine Mama, thank you and how are you?
...tell me something that I don't know.
FFran
Like what?
What's a PRNDL? [pronounced "prindle"]
FFran
A what?!
A PRNDL! See, right here: P-R-N-D-L! Right there!
FFran
Thelma, honey, those are your gear designations.
Oh! You ruined it!
VVinton
Now, honey, maybe it just needs a little adjustment.
Honey, it is burnt to a crisp!
...and get this pigsty cleaned up! [referring to Vinton and Naomi's basement]
This is out personal boudoiure, Mrs. Harper, and I believe it looks just fine.
That's because all you ever see of it is the ceiling!
MMan
How much do you weigh?
That's none of your business, you skinhead!
MMan
I need your weight!
You need my hair!
MMan
I don't have to give you a license! Next!
(grabs his shirt collar) Wait a minute, you listen up you chrome dome! My taxes pay your salary, and if you don't give me that license, I'm going to find you a new job as a reflector button of the highway!
Naomi's expecting!
SSonia
Expecting what?
FFran
A baby?
(sarcastically) No, Fran, a Mitsubishi!
I hope that you didn't park your clunker behind my Seville; I have to be outta here in 30 minutes!
First good news I've had all day...
Oh, Naomi, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You're like the daughter I never had. (Ellen and Eunice have shocked looks on their faces). Why is it that my own girls can't see the beauty in sharing a warm, family moment?
I'm the one that brought the dirty jars; you wouldn't have this warm family moment if it wasn't for me.
For your information Mama, I was almost splattered clear over that
An accident? Are the jars all right?
What the hell is the matter with you, you been sniffing them gooseberries?! I just told you I spent three hours dodging semis across three lanes of public highway!
Isn't that dangerous?
(to Naomi) Come here. Look at me. (pause) Are you in there?!
How does this thing work? I've never dried a dry jar before.
I think you stepped off one curb too many.
Naomi, did you remember to buy the sugar?
Oh, I never buy sugar. (dumps a bunch of sugar packets out of her purse onto the kitchen table)
Naomi, you unpredictable little scamp, what is all that?
This is my sugar packet collection! I pick 'em up at motels. Each and every one has a different name on it!
(picks up a packet and reads it) 'Arthur's Hideaway and Launderette:
Yeah!
Well, that is disgusting! I can't take jam to a church bazaar made with X-rated sugar!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mama's Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.