Eunice quotes from Mama's Family

You're skatin' on thin ice old lady!

Looks like you write all of your promises in disappearing ink old lady. Like the time when you promised me when I was twelve years old a two wheeler. Well I have yet to see that sucker! But Ellen, everytime I turned around there a brand new Schwinn sittin' under her fat fanny!

Mama don't you ever read? Why People Magazine just this week said that chili dogs is all the rage in Hollywood. Merv Griffin gave a party, and Pia Zadora put away six of these suckers.

Thelma

Where in blue blazes have you been?

(sarcastically) Just fine Mama, thank you and how are you?

Ellen

I hope that you didn't park your clunker behind my Seville; I have to be outta here in 30 minutes!

First good news I've had all day...

Thelma

Oh, Naomi, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You're like the daughter I never had. (Ellen and Eunice have shocked looks on their faces). Why is it that my own girls can't see the beauty in sharing a warm, family moment?

I'm the one that brought the dirty jars; you wouldn't have this warm family moment if it wasn't for me.

For your information Mama, I was almost splattered clear over that

Thelma

An accident? Are the jars all right?

What the hell is the matter with you, you been sniffing them gooseberries?! I just told you I spent three hours dodging semis across three lanes of public highway!

Naomi

Isn't that dangerous?

(to Naomi) Come here. Look at me. (pause) Are you in there?!

Naomi

How does this thing work? I've never dried a dry jar before.

I think you stepped off one curb too many.

Thelma

Naomi, did you remember to buy the sugar?

Naomi

Oh, I never buy sugar. (dumps a bunch of sugar packets out of her purse onto the kitchen table)

Naomi, you unpredictable little scamp, what is all that?

Naomi

This is my sugar packet collection! I pick 'em up at motels. Each and every one has a different name on it!

Ellen

(picks up a packet and reads it) 'Arthur's Hideaway and Launderette:

Naomi

Yeah!

Thelma

Well, that is disgusting! I can't take jam to a church bazaar made with X-rated sugar!

Hello everybody! Eunice is here. Unwanted Eunice. Untalented Eunice! Caterwauling Eunice!! MONSTER EUNICE IS HERE!!! (she throws the box of party decorations)

Thelma

Uhh-oohhhhhh!!

Thelma

(Speaking of Duke Reeves) His parents were trying to avoid a lawsuit so they sent the boy over to apologize for nearly gettin' you killed out in front of the school that day.

That's not true!

Thelma

It is! You hounded that boy so bad he had to jump in the car to get away from you and you went tearin' down the street after him hangin' on to the back of the car.

That's a lie!

Thelma

And he went around the corner and you went slidin' into the gravel and you got yourself all skinned up. You were a lunatic where that Duke Reeves was concered and everybody knew it. Didn't they Vint?

Well I don't know about everybody...

Oh you shut up!