A character in Magnum, P.I.
Played by John Hillerman
Magnum, P.I. · 180 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Magnum, P.I.: in 57 of its 180 quotes
Most scenes with: Thomas Magnum (36), T.C (9), Rick (6)
HigginsDr. Harmon, any of us who have experienced the horrors of war have them indelibly printed on our minds. But that's the only place they exist. The war is over.
Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.
[Magnum is "playing" the saxophone]
HigginsMagnum....Magnum!.....Magnum!!
Hi, Higgins!
HigginsHow fiendishly deceptive of you Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument.
Cute Higgins, real cute. [Magnum resumes playing saxophone badly]
HigginsWhy Magnum? Why do this terrible thing?
Higgins, I'll have you know I used to be very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band.
HigginsWell how many sax players were there?!
...Anyway, I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back.
HigginsMay I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable.
[as Higgins draws his sword] You know what they say about Samurai swords - you unsheath them, you gotta draw blood.
HigginsI know!
HigginsMagnum, you never cease to amaze me. I must know how you arrived at this remarkably astute conclusion with your limited knowledge of art.
Would you believe me if I told you it came to me in a dream?
HigginsYes, because your conscious mind certainly isn't capable of such superior detective work.
HigginsI've taken all the verbal insults I intend to from you.
You're right. It's time I got physical.
Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
I won't, but he will.
HigginsWhy are you here scrambling eggs...
They're not scrambled, they're over easy.
Higgins...instead of out looking for Tessa.
I found him.
HigginsYou found him?
Yes, I found him.
HigginsYou must take Elizabeth there at once.
Higgins, he threatened to kill me.
HigginsTo make an omelet, one must crack a few eggs.
Higgins, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can tell Robin that he doesn't already know - that we havn't laughed about together.
HigginsThe potato chip heiress from Buffalo who filled the tidal pool with...
A little misunderstanding, Higgins. After it was drained...
HigginsAnd then there is the Romanian mime troop who...
You...You're not going to bring that up. I mean, you were there when the paramedics arrived! You know!
HigginsI will take note of the panic in your voice and those guilt-crazed eyes as a scent to my favor, albeit with the slightest reluctance.
Wait a minute! This isn't a favor, this is extortion and blackmail!
HigginsFor a moment, I failed to remember that the ways of a gentleman are patently foreign to you. I revere words like honor, integrity, chivalry -- words that are clearly not in your vocabulary.
Higgins, enough! Knocking my rubber chicken or my sloppy habits is within the rules, but you're attacking my character. I would like to think you don't mean that.
HigginsYes, I'm sorry. It's just that you can't know what it's like to care deeply for someone and have your hope taken.
Yes, I can.
HigginsYou know lads, I sometimes view myself as a later-day Job, constantly being tested by our Creator. How else could I possibly justify four major wars, dozens of minor conflicts, seven natural disasters, and...
Aha! Double play Tigers!
Higgins...Him.
[Higgins finds camera lens cap... without camera or lens]
HigginsOh my god. Where is it?
[acting innocent] Where's what?
HigginsThe 110mm lens this cap should be covering.
Higgins, I can explain.
HigginsI am utterly sick and tried of those four pathetic words "Higgins I can explain".
You know, Higgins, there's something that I always wanted to tell you. I mean, deep down, you're really an okay guy.
HigginsHow reassuring.
HigginsMagnum, stop living in the past.
Me? Me?! Higgins, you've enshrined yours. You quote every boring war story like it was carved in stone.
HigginsBoring?
Don't worry, Higgins, I like your stories.
Yeah, me too.
HigginsI do think I tell them with a certain panache.
Higgins, I can explain.
HigginsI knew I could count on hearing that pathetic phrase once again, it is as regular as the rising and setting of the-
Do you wanna know why or not?
HigginsNot.
HigginsIf you're going to drink yourself into a stupor, wouldn't whiskey be more effective?
Too hard to keep an even buzz on with whiskey.
HigginsThe two of you are as nervous as a pair of Devonshire schoolgirls.
And you're not?
HigginsNo.
Then why have you been sipping tea from an empty cup for the last half-hour?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Magnum, P.I. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
