Lucifer · Season 1
I am so sorry that you suffered.
Well, I suppose I should apologize for trying to destroy your precious toy with floods and plagues and whatnot. I guess humanity isn't entirely awful. They did make vodka. Roller coasters. Triple-cream brie.
Well, I had no idea you were so angry with me.
Really? 'Cause I... I've been pretty upfront about it.
But to want to destroy me? That's pretty serious. You mind telling me why?
Because... Because I'm your son. And you rejected me.
Oh. Well, then I guess I can't say as I blame you. Fact of the matter is, I don't even remember why I was ever so angry with you to begin with. For what it's worth, I am sorry. I truly am. And I am proud of you, Samael. I'm proud of the man you've become.
[A now-recovered Johnson is saying goodbye to Lucifer.]
Hey, They, uh, said we was arguing. If I did or said something to upset you, I apologize.
No. No, you were quite lovely, actually. For a brief moment, I thought you were my father. A man for whom I harbor a great deal of resentment. And you said some things that I think I wish he'd always said to me. So, for that, I thank you.
Well, I guess even a blind squirrel catches a nut every now and then. You take care of yourself. [gets in a taxi] Hey, does this mean you're not angry at your dad anymore?
No, I'm not angry. I'm bloody furious. Because I realize that my father would never say those things to me. And for that, I hate him all the more.
It's Maze. She's angry with you, Brother.
[laughs] What, is it Tuesday already?
[Lucifer has used Azreal's Sword to cut a hole in the air leading to an empty dimension.]
What is that?
It's... It's nothing. At least for now. This is the real way to move forward, Mum. To create a whole new world. Your own world, without Father.
What about you? Amenadiel, my children?
You know that if we go back to Heaven, then there will be a war. And in war,... there are always casualties.
The last thing I want is to hurt my children.
I know. So, please.... Let there be light.
You must be Lucifer.
Morningstar. [offers a hand] Pleasure.
There was an investigation last year. We interviewed, what was it, ninety-two of your sexual partners? I think I'll refrain from physical contact, if you don't mind. [Lucifer chuckles] You don't seem reckless. Narcissistic, hedonistic. That I see.
Well, thank you very much.
Not a compliment. Your file's as long as my johnson.
Oh? Quick read, then?
Hardly.
Well, I, for one, don't need a file to ascertain you haven't even had a snog in ages, have you?
Accurate.
So what happened?
It was terrible, Brother. I was kidnapped.
No, Luci. I meant Mom.
Oh. Well, didn't you get my text?
What, you mean the string of nonsensical emojis? Fire, Sword, Doughnut, Spaceman, Clock, Dancing Lady, Flashlight, Thumbs Up. How am I supposed to know what that means?
[deciphering] "I ignited the Flaming Sword, used it to cut a hole in space and time, Mum's light flooded through it, then it closed up behind her. All good."
Anyhow, it looks like Josh and Steve both come from family money. Basically bought this hotel just to have a place to party.
[without a trace of irony] Imagine, buying your own establishment just to fund your decadent lifestyle. It's absurd.
[deadpan] Yeah, absurd.
[explaining that he thought a friend was pranking him] It's why I thought you weren't real cops. I mean, a guy named Lucifer and the chick from Hot Tub Hotel?
"High School". Hot Tub High School. She wasn't in the sequel.
You a believer? [Amenadiel nods] Well, then whatever it is you're going through, I'm sure it's all part of His plan. I mean, even the most pathetic, sad sack powerless creatures serve a purpose. Like Leo here [a piece of squirrel roadkill]. A van may have cracked his nuts in the middle of the desert, but he's still valuable evidence. That's the thing. You never know when your rock-bottom pain and humiliation can end up helping others. I mean, God works in mysterious ways. So, you just gotta believe that when He crushes your nuts, He does it for a reason.
Lucifer, I'm not angry with you that you somehow got your wings back, or even that you cut them off again. As foul as that may be. I'm angry with myself. Because somehow, I made you feel like you couldn't confide in me.
Well, comparing body parts is never good for the male ego, especially between brothers.
[looking through a victim's notebook] So what are these, jokes?
A charitable description, Detective. "Avocado, how about avoca-don't?" Would it be rude to throw tomatoes at a corpse?
It's no fun when they torture themselves.
This is about the Sinnerman.
Right. I see what's happening here. A mysterious figure handing out favors, probably dashing and handsome. You think I'm the Sinnerman. [laughs] The truth is--
You're not the Sinnerman. He's smart and calculated.
You don't know me. Maybe I am the Sinnerman. Surprise!
[Linda and Amenadiel quietly watch Lucifer's severed wings burn inside a dumpster.]
I thought this would be a little more... reverential, less angel wing dumpster fire.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucifer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
