JJeff
I don't mean to be culturally insensitive here but... What the hell?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Don't ruin this for Rayyan.
I'm her father. It's my job to ruin it for her.
JJeff
I don't mind being used. I'm user-friendly.
I'm sorry I care so much.
That's not an apology.
I'm sorry you lost your way.
You shoudn't be making bad excuses!
I'm sorry, nothing I ever say seems to work!
Oh, well, that's obvious.
I am sorry I'm here!
Oh, well, now we're getting somewhere. And I am sorry that you're here too.
Christianity hasn't lasted two thousand years by being charitable.
You can't pretend to be Christian.
Actually you can. Half my congregation does.
I wouldn't waste a braincell trying to find out.
Yes. I'd imagine you are in short supply.
I don't remember much about growing up Anglican but I must've been there.
Don't we have a New Testament hanging around somewhere around here?
New Testament?
Yeah or an Old Testament?
If we had a new testament surely I would have thrown the old one.
It will help your back, and your colon.
What's wrong with my colon?
You're full of crap.
My seat smells. Is that why they call it a "pew"?
[Explaining how the Muslims can't pass off as Anglicans] And the way they all stood up, with such vigor! No, no, no, no, no! [He demonstrates] The older... congregants jump right up, as though we just opened up the buffet. And then, some of them lag behind because they're stone-deaf. And then there's always the ones who just draaaaag themselves up like teenagers who've been asked to do the dishes. Now, let's try it again, let's get this perfectly wrong...
[Fred is covered in warts]
What is wrong with you?
Well, I've managed to narrow it down to a couple of possibilities: African killer bees, or a killer African!
When is Easter?
April.
That's when Baby Jesus sees his own shadow, right?
[Fatima just pulled Fred's back into place]
Fatima sweetheart? That lotion crap you gave me for my back was only to soften me up so you could fix me, right?
No. I wanted to see you suffer a little bit longer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Little Mosque on the Prairie pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.