[To a murder suspect, regarding an entry in his diary]
From the diary, quote, "I killed her. She's been killed. I'm a killer, an ace killer." That particular entry is not awash with ambiguity.
“The Crash” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Sam Tyler (14), Gene Hunt (9), Annie Cartwright (5), Nelson (3), Chris Skelton (2)
Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!
[After Sam, disorientated and confused by his new surroundings, has challenged Gene's authority]
They reckon you've got concussion - I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle.
Who the hell are you?
Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Nearly dinner time. I'm 'aving 'oops.
[Trying to call a mobile phone number]
I need you to connect me to a Virgin number -
OOperator
Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call.
[Annie complies with Sam's request to hit him by punching him in the kidneys - when he wasn't expecting it]
Ow! Shit!
I'm sorry, sir!
[Gene enters, seeing the two bent over]
Hey hey, good girl, prostate probe and no jelly!
[To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers?
[Open University is on TV, presenter's geometry-exercising turns into medical diagnostics from 2006.]
[alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!
Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Is she a suspect?
Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
[confused] She's a pain in the arse!
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Thick walls.
[Gene Hunt violently pushes a table aside]
I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
DKDora Keens
I want a lawyer.
I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?
I need a drink.
That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here.
[To Nelson] And which part of my subconcious do you hail from?
I may be a sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law.
What can I get you, man, raise your spirits?
Diet Coke, please.
[Nelson looks blank]
Just kidding, a pint of bitter.
Large whiskey please.
[With heavy Jamaican accent] Drink ain't gonna fix things. What am I saying? I run a pub. Of course it will fix things!
I'm lost, Nelson. I'm really lost.
[Suddenly switching to a Mancunian accent] You ain't lost, pal. You're where you are, and you have to make the best of it. It's all you can do.
[Sam looks surprised]
Keep it to yourself, eh? Folks just seem happier with the other Nelson.
[Sam has asked Annie to contribute to the investigation - much to the jeers of the other male detectives]
Now the victim wasn't gagged. Why didn't he gag her, Annie?
Because he needed to, er, he needed to see her mouth, her lips. We have to see the things that we value.
Now put yourselves in the mind of this man. You're lonely. Every night you dream of this girl, and she's got big eyes and red ruby lips. So you go out and you find that girl, and you bring her home. But you don't gag her, cos you want to see those ruby lips, but you just can't bring yourself to kiss 'em.
He'd get embarrassed, angry, he'd start to blame the girl. It's her fault, she's taunting him by just being there.
And then one day you just snap. Strangle her, using bootlace, and the cycle starts all over again with a different girl. And this time, you're positive that you're going to be brave enough to kiss her.
Only you won't be.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life on Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.