Life on Mars quotes

179 total quotes

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Season 1
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Andrea Kemble: He your boss? What would I get for smacking him one?
Sam Tyler: A round of applause from half our station.

Chris Skelton: Bingo! I got one. Martin Ellis, lorry driver. Waiting for a fabrics pick-up at 2:30 this morning. Spotted a thickset man running of the loom hall.
Sam Tyler: Good, can I see it?
[Chris shows Sam a black and white picture with a head looking like a butternut squash with ears]
Sam Tyler: Chris, have you ever seen anybody that looks like that?
Chris Skelton: It's the best we could do.
Sam Tyler: It's a doddle, then. We're looking for someone with hamster's cheeks, a nose like Audrey Hepburn and a two-foot forehead.

Chris Skelton: Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!

Gene Hunt: Chief culprit is Ted Bannister. I want him in custody by teatime.
Sam Tyler: What, because he spoke first?
Gene Hunt: 'Cos he's guilty as sin, and he's a Commie bastard.
Sam Tyler: Sorry, that's bollocks. Total rubbish.
Gene Hunt: You're just itching to get your blood-spillage book out, aren't ya!
Sam Tyler: You're making him prime suspect based on what, a hunch?

Gene Hunt: Drop your weapons! You are surrounded by armed bastards!

Gene Hunt: Is my name 'Coco'?
Sam Tyler: What?
Gene Hunt: Why are you trying to make me look like a clown? Litton's gonna have a field day when he finds out you left four untraceable shooters out there.
Sam Tyler: This isn't about Litton. And don't blame me for this. You dumped it on me!
Gene Hunt: I thought you said you could multi... story... task... Whatever!

Gene Hunt: Say goodnight, Gracie, and sit down. I said sit down!
Ted Bannister: Look. You've gotta open the mill. We can't afford to lose this order.
Gene Hunt: The mill stays shut until our inquiry is over.
Ted Bannister: [shouting] For god's sakes!
Gene Hunt: [shouting] SIT DOWN, OR I'LL SIT YOU DOWN! NOW!

Gene Hunt: What's your problem,Tyler?
Sam Tyler: My problem!?! My problem...would!

Gene Hunt: [about Ted Bannister] Tenner says he did it.
Sam Tyler: This is-
Gene Hunt: Tenner and a tin of Party Seven.
Sam Tyler: If you think that I'm going to reduce a murder investigation to the level of a playground bet--
Gene Hunt: [to the accompaniment of chicken noises from Ray] Cowardy cowardy custard. Can't cut the mustard.

Gene Hunt: [disgusted] Looks like they've been thinking up [porn movie] titles.. Listen to this: "On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix".

Gene Hunt: [To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers?

Gene Hunt: Always trust the Gene Genie!

Gene Hunt: I don't know... [pause] ... who the biggest dickhead is round here. [to Ray Carling] You, for what happened... [to Sam] You, for your holier than thou act... or me, for having any of you on my team.

Gene Hunt: I may be a sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law.

Gene Hunt: I reckon we can take him, I'll jump on him, you take his gun and Cartwright can jump up and down on his knackers.