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S2 E5

Life on Mars · Season 2, Episode 5

“The Kidnapping” quotes from Life on Mars

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“The Kidnapping” · Season 2, Episode 5

In this episode: Sam Tyler (11), Gene Hunt (9), Chris Skelton (4), Annie Cartwright (4), DS Ray Carling (1), Phyllis (1)

[The show opens with the introduction to Camberwick Green]

CGCamberwick Green Narrator

This is a box. A magical box, playing a magical tune. But inside this box, there lies a surprise. Do you know who's in it today? [A toy version of Sam appears] It's Sam Tyler! Hello, Sam.

[Toy Sam waves]

CGCamberwick Green Narrator

How are you today?

[Toy Sam puts his head in his hands]

CGCamberwick Green Narrator

Oh dear. Not very happy. Is it Gene Hunt?

[Toy Sam nods]

CGCamberwick Green Narrator

Is he kicking in a nonce?

[Toy Sam points - cut to a toy version of Gene Hunt, beating up another toy in a dark alley. Toy Gene and the nonce wave to the camera, then Gene hits the other toy repeatedly with a dustbin lid]

[To a person threatening to hang themselves]

C'mon, Mr. Lamb. I always say there's a time to take off the noose, and put on the kettle.

[grabs Gene as he enters the room with a usual comment] And as for you, I can just about handle you, driving like a pissed up crackhead and treating women like beanbags. But I'm going to say this once, and once only, Gene. Stay out of Camberwick Green!

[Gene Hunt passes Sam a ransom note]

That note was left at the phonebox where Bea and Stella Lamb were taken. It's stencilled over in carbon, so it's doubly hard to trace.

So who's Charley Witham and who's Graham Bathurst?

[Gene pauses and sighs] Charley Witham was a beautiful 14 year old. She was attacked and murdered in cold blood one year ago. Her boyfriend, Graham Bathurst confessed. He's evil and now's he's in prison being evil.

I need more detail, guv. What's the connection to Simon Lamb?

Simon Lamb coached an athletic team Charley was in.

So did he finger Bathurst for the killing?

No, he didn't know him. This isn't a grudge crime.

Well someone thinks he's innocent.

Don't start! I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace. He's not innocent! He confessed and worse he gloated about it.

Well obviously someone wants him out. How about Graham's family?

Oh, quick thinking Van der Valk. But while you been layed up with your Vicks Sinex, I've been leading a kidnap enquiry. You didn't see us yesterday.

[Flashback to yesterday, Simon Lamb is hysterical entering the police station]

SLSimon Lamb

Graham Bathurst.

[voice-over] From the moment Simon Lamb walked into the station I knew we had our work cut out.

SLSimon Lamb

Release him from prison right now.

[Bored, head rested on arm, not looking up] Righty-ho sir. Anyone else? Ronnie Kray? The Hillbury Road Axeman?

SLSimon Lamb

Release Graham Bathurst, or they're gonna die! [slams ransom note on desk. Phyllis looks up] Get your DCI.

Now just hold on!

SLSimon Lamb

Get him!

[voice over] And as if by magic, a DCI appeared. We went straight to Graham Bathurst's family. They were the ones who haven't stop bleating for his release for the last 12 months.

BMrs Bathurst

Go on, get away. You scumbag, bastard coppers!

[voice over] As you can imagine they were cock-a-hoop to see us, and invited us in for crumpets and jam.

BMrs Bathurst

You lied about my Graham. Everything you told the court was lies. You got no shame.

He confessed, Mrs Bathurst. So with respect, shut your bloody bonechute!

Chris, what are you writing down?

Her statement.

Right, add this. Your son Mrs. Bathurst, is a cold-hearted killer and if there's a hell, he's going there to be poked up the arse with sharp fiery sticks, forever and ever, Amen!

There's an e in fiery, isn't there?

[Graham's grandmother walks up]

Oh, Blimey, here comes the heavy mob. Sound the retreat. [voice over] The Bathurst family consists of one drunken mammy and an old bat with a stoop! Don't seem much like a ruthless gang of kidnappers to me. The worst bit was having to go back to see Charley Witham's parents.

WMrs Witham

Don.

[voice over] One year on, you can still see the grief in their eyes.

DWDon Witham

No disrespect, Mr Hunt. But I'd hoped that our paths would never have to cross again.

Yeah, well sorry for showing me ugly mug around here, Don. But, erm, the ransom note demands the release of Graham Bathurst.

DWDon Witham

Well who would want that?

Someone connected to the case. Obsessed with it. Anyone seen hanging around here?

DWDon Witham

Haven't seen anyone. But...you're not going to release him?

No.

DWDon Witham

But if someone out there thinks Bathurst is innocent... does that mean you're not so sure that he did it?

Graham Bathurst killed your daughter, Don. I'm more sure of that than me own name.

[Having pulled in a suspect in the kidnapping]

Where you stashed 'em, Mitchey boy!?

MBMitch Bathurst

Up my arse, copper!

Do you wanna us to check!?

And with time slipping away, do we really want to put all our eggs in the same basket. If the kidnapper's still at large we might be able to lure him out.

How?

That note was a cry for justice.

And I ask again, only slightly louder, HOW?!!!

Right, Scottie Yard are sending up some sort of kleptomaniac to look for hidden clues in the ransom note

Cryptographer!

Whatever.

They phoned 10 minutes ago saying they can't spare anybody.

Are any of you actually communicating? It's good to talk.

[sarcastic] Well this is nice! Shall I get us some Bakewell tarts?!

Tell me about Charley Witham.

I'll tell you about her. She's what every copper dreads. A dead child. And parents looking to you for answers.

[Flashback to a year ago. A video of Charley Witham and Gene Hunt and Charley Witham's parents watching]

[voiceover] Last year, I stood in their home, knowing I was their only hope of getting justice.

[Video carries on playing. Numerous clips of Charley laughing, playing, smiling, holding her pet cat, doing a handstand. Then the video stopped.]

WMrs Witham

We wanted you to see her, as we saw her. Chief Inspector. With everything ahead of her. Our perfect 10. Our Charley. [She starts to cry and leaves]

[Cut to present day]

[emotional] I erm, had the job of showing them... what their lovely perfect 10... had become.

[Flashback to morgue. Mr and Mrs Witham and Gene Hunt looking at Charley's body]

We think she knew her killer. Leaves were cleared away like they were making space. A rag was stuffed into her mouth. Probably didn't mean to kill her. Probably only wanted to keep her quiet. Smothered her face. Panicked and ran away.

WMrs Witham

So, she suffocated 20 feet from the road. From people walking their dogs, cars.

[Don Witham takes Charley's hand and kisses it]

[Seeing Annie Cartwright's organised all the files for the current case] Bloody hell, Cartwright! Do you wanna come over my house and sort out my garage?

What if we lie.

What?

Tell some porkies. Make a big announcement that we've released Graham Bathurst.

Well what good's that gonna do?

Might buy us more time. Get the bastard out in the open. We kick him and cuff him.

Sounds like a plan to me.

God, it's always that simple with you lot.

Excuse me, Mrs Woman.

Well, Sam's trying to work this thing out, and rest of us...we charge in like a herd of elephants! Details are what count. And I'm wondering, well I'm beginning to wonder, looking at Charley's old files, if we've really put down all the details.

We had a child killer to find. And we found him inside of 48 hours. Now I made a pledge to her parents. And I honoured it.

Supposing we made mistakes last year. And just supposing those mistakes are coming back to haunt us.

[Gene Hunt leaves]

Blimey, Cartwright. Next time go the whole hog and pull the gun on him.

That was out of order, Annie.

[Annie Cartwright leaves]

No she was right, Chris. God is in the detail.

God is in church smarty-pants. [Sam stares] Uh, boss.

[watching the the team trying to figure out the murder, Annie is looking through files and Gene, Ray and Chris are at Lambs' house. Chris is searching for the warning that Simon Lamb was given] Chris. Think. Step back. God is in the detail.

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