Leverage Season 1 quotes

It's all on you, Hardison.

How am I gonna do this?

You're the puppet master. Pull your strings.

You never count on the perfect plan. The perfect plan, it has too many moving parts, and it's... you got to expect the perfect plan to fail. I mean, that's what I do.

Then what do you count on?

I count on the simplest and ugliest plan, not plan "A," no, but, like, plan "G," for example. I start with plan "G." Now, the quick, simple, ugly plan that I know is going to work if everything goes bad.

Sophie

[to Nate] This is a new low, even for you. We both know you're cold, you're distant, you're emotionally unavailable, but you're always punctual.

Sophie

Off to the US Patent Office, then. Let's go steal a--

Parker

Let's go steal a time machine.

Eliot

No, you don't steal--

Parker

I'm gonna steal the time machine.

Right now, I have to get inside that building.

What's your plan?

Well, I'm gonna pull the fire alarm, then go in as my arson-investigator alias.

Eliot

Frank Petrino? The arson investigator with the limp?

I didn't say it was a great plan.

Sophie

Him? [Jimmy] You came to rescue him?

Parker

You said never again. I remember.

Although he does provide a window into your distant and withholding management style. I'm just sayin'.

All right, so Sophie says the FBI has 20 men on the north side, 15 on the south, 22 on the east, and 16 on the west.

Parker

She can see all that?

Well, you know, you steal paintings for a living, you learn how to count security.

Hello and welcome to the Island of Misfit Inventions.

Parker

It might be easier if he's asleep.

Eliot

You want me to put him to sleep?

HEY! I'm standing RIGHT HERE.

Why y'all always pushing me off of stuff? Don't I get a vote! I vote NO!

Parker

Look, we're going to lower you really slowly but if you bump into anything, the glass, the walls, anything you'll set off the alarms.

Yeah, I get it. It's like the game Operation and I'm the tweezers.

Eliot

Yippee-ki-yay, mother--

Jimmy

Found it!

Do you remember when I said to you, next time we would meet, that I wouldn't be so nice?

Yeah.

Okay. Welcome to the next time.

He upped the crazy. I didn't think he could do that.

I want my usual fee plus expense, and Parker dresses up as Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica.

Hey, it's not happening!

I'll also accept Sophie as Counselor Troi. We'll negotiate on the flight.

So wrong on so many levels.