Eliot quotes from Leverage

Parker

Who ripped out the toilets?

This was an IRS foreclosure. I got it cheap.

Eliot

IRS doesn’t take toilets.

They do when they're solid gold. This used to be MC Hammer's place. I guess you can touch this, with a S.W.A.T. team and a federal warrant.

Why'd you come back? We agreed to scatter for six months. All of you–all of you—made an amateur move being there.

Parker

It's too hard to leave a job undone. It's like an itch.

I put a lot of work into us, into that office. It was like my second home. I blew up my second home.

Eliot

As annoying as you people are, I quit this crew when I quit this crew. Nobody makes me leave.

Sophie

I just, I really wanted to hurt Sterling.

Parker

I can get around those.

Eliot

Really? And end up on one of the new 20 cameras they got down there from our last little trip to the basement?

Parker

That was fun.

Yeah. Could we talk about that?

Parker

Talk about what?

Eliot

We can't run a con. They know our faces.

Parker

What about Maggie?

Sophie

Exactly. I mean, most of the museum people aren't gonna recognize us, But Maggie. She works down there.

Parker

No, what about Maggie? She's inside.

Eliot

You just said that. She just said--

No, wait. No, hold--Listen. Listen, I get--I get it. Just have Eliot call her as Dr. Sinclair. We won't play her. He'll just feel her out.

Have Eliot...feel out my wife?

Sophie

Ex, Nate. Ex-Wife.

Parker

Okay, look, you always have a Plan B right? So, fine. Without Maggie, what's the Plan B?

Eliot

She probably just really wants some hot coffee.

Shut up!

Eliot

It's not like a date. [pulls his hair back]

Are you kidding me? You're fixing your hair?

Eliot

Because I’m playing the Professor Sinclair dude!

Eliot

You come here a lot?

Maggie

No. I just wanted to see you.

Sophie

That's a date.

Parker

Did we really need to put a button cam on Eliot?

Safety issue.

Maggie

I haven't dated a lot since my marriage broke up.

Eliot

I'm sorry to hear that.

Maggie

No, don't be. He was obsessive, perfectionist, controlling.

Organized! She used to say I was organized. And punctual.

Mm-hmm.

Eliot

He must have had some good qualities.

Maggie

No, not even in bed.

Parker

Ooh!

Maggie

Every night was prom night. You know what I mean? But worst of all, he completely forgot that I gave him that same button camera for Christmas three years ago.

I can explain.

Maggie

Nate?

Hmm?

Maggie

You can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.

Eliot

Whoa.

That's what we do. I mean…

Parker

[pets Maggie's head] You're adorable.

Maggie

So nobody else finds it annoying when you nag them in the middle of these things?

Sophie

Why don't I run this one, Nate?

Yeah.

I don't nag. You know, I just have, you know, a clear big-picture viewpoint.

Actually, you know what? We did kind of like the way Sophie ran the last one.

Eliot

Yeah. Yeah. Up until the point where she got us caught, but other than that, it was great.

Sophie

[To Maggie] Okay, why don't you run up to him. Be just a little bit out of breath. It changes the speech rhythms, makes it harder to detect a lie.

You see? Like that right there. It's informative.

Eliot

You learn, and you con.

Oh. Well, looky here. Dr. Ernst Volk, University of Berlin, dead. Dr. Schliemann, London Museum, dead. Oh. Oh, and also the three guys that actually discovered the tomb. Eliot, what does that say?

Eliot

It says "dead".

D-E-D, dead, baby.

D-E-A-D!

I... I know how to... I was throwing a little style in it, just a little bit. A little style. I know how to spell "dead," damn it! I can steal a bank, I can spell "dead"!

Eliot

You need something?

Sophie

I was just trying to make myself useful.

Eliot

Yeah, well, last time you tried that, we had to blow up the office.

Sophie

That's not fair.

Eliot

I was just getting used to it.

Sophie

What? Having an office?

Eliot

Being part of a team.

Sophie

Look, I didn't mean, you know, it wasn't supposed to go down like that.

Parker

What's going on?

Eliot

Sophie here was just trying to apologize.

Sophie

No, I wasn't.

Parker

She tried that with me earlier. She kind of sucks at it.

Eliot

A little bit.

Oh, did she give you the speech about how we're thieves and about how this is what thieves do and if we were in her shoes, we'd have done the same thing?

Eliot

No, I think she was just getting to that part. [Pauses] You apologized to him first, huh? Why am I last?

Sophie

I wasn't apologizing. I...

Eliot

That's the problem.

Sophie

I just wanted to see if w-we… we were all okay with each other.

Eliot

Okay. There it is.

Parker

I forgive you.

Apology accepted.

Eliot

Yeah.

Sophie

No, I wasn't— unh-unh, you, I didn't...

Eliot

You quit drinking?

Yep.

Eliot

You quit drinking.

Sure did.

Eliot

You quit drinking? How'd you know about this place then?

I rent a condo upstairs.

Eliot

You rent a condo above the bar?

That's right.

Eliot

Well, that's very…Catholic.

Sophie

No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker

I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

No, no.

Sophie

Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot

I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker

Bike of crime.

Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker

I stole the Hope Diamond.

What?

Parker

And then I put it back. Yeah. Because I was bored. Didn't care.

I spent three days hacking White House e-mail. No buzz.

Sophie

See?

But we are doing some hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie

Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. [to Eliot] Okay, what-what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot

…I was in Pakistan.

You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, [Eliot points] hacker, grifter, [Sophie raises her hand] thief, [Parker raises her hand] you took us and you broke us.

No, no, I…what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's, that's all.

Parker

Exactly.

Sophie

Yeah

Eliot

This is the problem, though, with being the good guy. You…you…it gets under your skin.

Sophie

Look, Nate. You have to some poor little lost soul somewhere that needs a little extra-legal aid.

Look, we all…we agreed that we would just move on.

Sophie

Yeah, but…we're…we're thieves.