A character in Leverage
Played by Christian Kane
Leverage · 1,001 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Leverage: in 325 of its 1,001 quotes
Most scenes with: Hardison (179), Nate (128), Parker (125)
[Parker walks out of Nate's kitchen dressed as a nun]
EliotShe's dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.
What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?
EliotIt's Parker.
Eh, fair enough.
Okay, I want you out of my house. Out. I'm getting cleaned up. I'm going upstairs. I want all this stuff out of here. I want you guys out of here. I'm not a part of this.
Okay.
Not a part of this. This is you guys.
We got it.
If you want to do this thing, you're on your own.
Eliot: Fine.
Understood?
Uh-huh.
(Nate walks away)
(to Eliot) So, you going?
EliotI'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.
Wait, so if these are supposed to be just fake businesses, how come their financials are so squeaky clean?
Because they're fake businesses. I mean, come on, it's right there. I mean, I'm just saying.
(they all look at each other)
What? Sophie, how, how do you catch mob guys?
Uhh, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandmom in Sicily.
How does the government catch mob guys?
Taxes.
That's how they got Capone.
That's how they get everybody. Yeah, they never get you for the crime; they always get you for the taxes. It's not really fair.
EliotThat's why the businesses are clean; they're dirty from the inside.
Well, yeah, I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?
You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier.
I mean, it's perfect. You know, I don't even think it's illegal. I mean, if we were gonna do this, this job—
Just this one job.
Yes, just this one.
Yeah.
I mean, the con that you'd want to do...
Hypothetically.
...hypothetically, you know, is, the turnabout, of course.
Oh, that is a good one.
EliotYou know, it takes… five people to do the turnabout.
That's true.
Hmm.
There's just the four of us.
Need one more person.
We've got to scare the banker into turning against the mob. All right. All right, we'll do this job. Just this one.
Oh, well.
If you really want.
If you insist.
Great.
We're on board.
EliotThis detonator. If I'm around the corner, is this going to be in range?
Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the thing just goes off.
EliotWhoa, whoa, wait! Hey! I thought you said this thing was safe!
Mostly, mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.
EliotWhat frequencies, man, huh? I got these things in my pants.
Like a, you know, a garage door opener, car alarm.
[Nearby a car alarm goes off, causing Eliot to flinch]
What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?
EliotDammit, Hardison!
(After Sophie Shot Eliot while in character)
So, how did you do it?
EliotDetonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.
Ah, the classics.
Oh, I love a good death scene!
Still your last job?
Well, maybe…
Yeah?
I mean, you know, until I find a job I like enough, you know, to stay out of the bars.
Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
And then I'm out. I'm done.
Sure.
EliotYeah. 'Cause you're not a thief.
You don't have to do this, you know. Nate's gonna come up with something.
EliotI'm losing a fight, Sophie, I'm not diving on a grenade. I'll be all right.
Yeah, I know, I'm not talking physically.
EliotI think my ego can handle it.
Look, you told me it's about control, about knowing that you're never going to be the victim. And that's what keeps you going, right?
EliotYou think I'm upset because I gotta let this guy kick my ass? I learned a long time ago that you can't control the violence. I can take the pain—that's what I do. What I need to control is not out there. [Puts his hand over his heart] It's in here. Always.
Looks like an ordinary cell phone, right? It's not, man. It's a metal detector. See, it uses pulse-induction technology that sends out a current that generates a magnetic field, and then…are you even listening?
EliotYeah.
Well, what'd I say?
EliotYou were explaining how you're still a virgin?
There are three general exceptions for house arrest: personal safety, death of a relative, and family events.
EliotPersonal safety. We could burn the apartment down.
[excitedly raises her hand] Ooh! Ooh!
Yeah, Sophie's gonna be doing this one.
EliotWhat?
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm gonna be Nate on this one. Only, you know, nicer.
[Behind her, Nate makes a face]
But if you're gonna be Nate, who's gonna be you?
You.
Me?
EliotI don't mean to obsess about the last time Sophie ran a con, but, I'm sorry, where we had to blow up the offices!
Really, 'cause I don't remember that.
I do.
[Sophie has taken the lead on the job, and is explaining it to the team with her usual flair]
…and then to protect themselves, they issue an apology to Mr. Pennington, and then they throw Monica Hunter into the jaws of the very media machine that she bent to her own malicious will.
Wow. I gotta say, Sophie's briefings are much more dramatic.
EliotAnd poetic.
We totally went to the moon.
EliotMovie sets. I've seen them, they're outside of Albuquerque.
Why would there still be sets there?
EliotBecause they're gonna reuse them for the Mars mission, repaint them all red.
She has to have corroboration from her own sources, she has to craft the narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare!
[Nate looks at her in disbelief, then turns to Eliot]
Do I sound that creepy when I—
EliotHell. Yes.
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